


Back to December

by VioletHyena



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Reality, Angst, Beginnings, Bottom Sam, Canon deaths, Casual Sex, Developing Relationship, Headcanon, M/M, Open Ending, Pain, Season 2, Season 3, Secret Relationship, The Trickster - Freeform, Top Gabriel, Trickster - Freeform, Unhappy Ending, Witness Protection, season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-05
Updated: 2013-06-13
Packaged: 2017-12-14 01:24:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 39,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/831100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VioletHyena/pseuds/VioletHyena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Sam, knowing he started the end of the world, would give anything to turn back the clock again. He'd give anything to go back to when Dean died and do things over. Because Loki had only been trying to help him. He'd come back to bring him sanity but Sam had made the wrong call, picking revenge over peace. He chose wrong. Why did he always choose wrong?</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sam starts a tentative relationship of casual sex with the trickster after Loki tells him he's alive. It continues longer than Sam ever thought it would and it develops in an unexpected way. But when it develops past casual and into the emotional Sam tries to stop. But love isn't exactly something you can just quit.</p><p>When Dean dies, Loki tries to help Sam move on, getting even closer to the hunter. But Sam can't just forget about his brother. He never can just let go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Spring at Crawford Hall

**Author's Note:**

> First off, this is my basic background story for how Sam and Gabriel started out. I think it fits rather well into the series time line and I think it's about time that I put it down so that readers understand how they got together, before Sam ever found out that the trickster was an archangel. Because Sam makes bad choices between seasons 4 and 5. This story also follows seasons 2 to 4 and then the some of 5. I will give the episodes that the chapter pertains to for chronological reasons. The song title pretty much covers the over all plot of their rough start.
> 
> (Take me back to December by Taylor Swift)
> 
> (2.15 Tall Tails)

It all started at Crawford Hall. Sam couldn't lie and say he was physically impressed by the janitor he and Dean met there. He seemed like an average Joe. Although what struck Sam was how the man acted. Normal blue collared workers liked to complain about their jobs, but this janitor was laid back and seemed to enjoy what he did. He seemed to revel in his simple living and carried himself with a confidence that most people did not possess. On top of that, he was charming and slipped in small jokes when he could. Sam, at one point, realized the janitor was flirting with him when he'd laughed in the office; where the professor had taken a nose dive. Sam hoped Dean had been too busy with stuffing his face with chocolate to notice Sam was flustered. The last thing he needed from his brother was that he was being charmed by a man. Sam doubted the gay/girl jokes would ever stop if Dean got a whiff of it. 

“Anything else I can do for you boys?” The janitor with no name tag raised his brows curiously.

“Well, I was wondering about why there would be a rumor of a room 669 if there was only 4 floors.” Sam answered in the hallway, trying to buy Dean a little more precious time in the room to search for hoodoo. The janitor smiled.

“So, do you always ask about college history or is it your way of small talk?” The janitor rested his hands on his waist, throwing Sam a wink. Sam felt his face warm up.

“Oh, I uh... I guess my small talk is pretty bad.” Sam scratched the back of his head. 

“Well, shame you came all his way to inspect a room you can't wire up. Are you on the clock?”

“Not really. Actually, we're commissioned. We're here to check out a few places and then we'll head back to the main office.”

“Good,” The janitor gave Sam a sly grin, “I want to buy you a drink sometime.” Sam paused, hearing his heart beat in his ears for a moment. He was being hit on by a janitor. 

“Oh, I don't think I'll be in the area for that long.” Sam knew not to take up the offer. Even if he'd always been curious. Even if he did find the man a bit charming and attractive. The man hummed thoughtfully.

“That's a shame.” He sighed, “If you change your mind, let me know.” Sam nodded and before Sam could respond further, Dean returned to his side. 

“That's all we need.” Dean said and Sam grimaced from embarrassment; Dean stunk of cheap chocolate.

“Sorry about the candy.” Sam said and gained a side glare from Dean. The janitor only gave a wide grin and a laugh.

“Nah, it's okay. It's the dead guy's food. I wasn't going to touch it besides throwing it out.” The janitor showed them out and Sam held his head.

“You're so embarrassing.” Sam groaned as they reached the Impala. He glanced back at the college and saw the janitor waving from the second story window. Sam quickly looked away and got into the passenger seat, hoping Dean took his blush for anger towards Dean's tactlessness rather than his small crush on a shorter man.

-

The next time he saw the janitor was at the bar, after treating the traumatized frat boy to a few rounds of purple nerples. Dean figured they needed some time to unwind and Sam found himself at the bar, abandoned by his brother for a college brunette. 

Sam wasn't feeling particularly like picking up a girl, especially after Dean had quipped “Sam, you need to get laid, so that you can get that stick out of your ass.” Dean was already on Sam's nerves for messing with his laptop and it was made worse by his attitude. 

The bartender put a beer down in front of Sam and he looked up. The bar was fairly empty and Sam had not ordered a drink. The bartender thumbed down the end of the bar, “That guy bought you the drink.”

Sam looked down the bar after the bartender moved on to the next person and Sam realized it was the janitor; still in his uniform no less. The janitor wiggled his fingers at Sam with a flirtatious grin. Sam looked around the bar quickly to make sure Dean had really gone and he gave an awkward lift of his hand in return. It took less than a minute for the other man to slide into the seat next to Sam, drinking what appeared to be a mudslide.

“Stuck around a little longer than you thought?” The janitor grinned at Sam. Sam wet his lips with a sip of beer.

“Yeah. My partner kind of ditched me.” Sam admitted shyly.

“Mind some company?” The janitor asked, fingers curled under his chin. Sam glanced quickly at the door. Oh God, he really was being picked up by a janitor, “I told you I'd buy you a drink.”

“Yes, thank you.” Sam drank from the glass and spun the bottle on the bar top, “I don't even know your name.”

“Call me Lee.” The janitor had a very infectious smile and Sam started hard at his beer to hide his own from creeping onto his face.

“Sam.”

Lee grinned, “So what's a nice cable guy like you doing on a night like this?” Sam took a deep breath.

“Trying not to strangle my partner.” After a curious brow was lifted, Sam continued, “He's been an asshole lately.”

“Assholes usually just need a taste of their own medicine.” Lee tsked.

“Yeah, sometimes.” Sam grumbled, sliding lower into his bar stool.

“Hey.” Lee tapped Sam's arm, “How about we play darts? You can imagine his face on the board.”

“Um, sure.” Sam got up and followed the other man to the dart board.

“You wager?” Lee tossed him a wry grin and raised brows, “Keeps the game interesting.”

“Like what?” Despite Sam's efforts to play poker faced, he smiled as he set his beer on a near by table. 

“Oh, like, if I win.” Lee collected the darts from the board and gave him a wistful look, “We go back to my place.” Sam scoffed, hiding a smile as he sat in a chair with his beer.

“And what if I win?” Sam asked.

“We could always go back to your place.” Lee waggled his eyebrows and Sam grimaced at the idea because his brother was there.

“You're shamelessly trying to get me into bed.” Sam muttered.

“Is it working?” Lee stood before him, holding out the color-coordinated darts.

Sam smiled and picked the red striped darts, “Maybe, but I don't want that to be my wager...” Sam could weasel some more info out of the charming janitor if nothing else, “If I win, you tell me all the strange things that have been going on in town.”

“You don't look like a gossip queen.” Lee smirked.

Sam flushed, “I'm not.”

“Pick another. One I don't mind sharing while we play the game.” Lee offered.

“If... I win, buy me dinner.” Sam finally said and realized how it sounded after it came out. Lee smiled.

“Deal.” He agreed, “One game, winner take all.”

-

It only took one game for Sam to realize how much he liked Lee. He was funny and flirty. He did end up indulging Sam with his 6 years at the college and in town. He let slip several of the dirty little secrets; who was sleeping with who, what the frat clubs were up to, what devious influences were around. And they were tied for the last round of darts. 

“Sounds like a lot of drama.” Sam finally commented. Lee gave Sam another belly tingling grin.

“It is. But hey, as long as they're doing it, I'll continue to be entertained, right?”

Sam's first beer was gone and Lee had moved onto a strawberry daiquiri; and since Dean hadn't shown back up at the bar, Sam indulged himself with a Bloody Mary. The irony was not lost on Sam, but that case hadn't put him off from liking the drink. Sam sat at the table as Lee collected their darts for the last round.

“You're really laid back about everything.” Sam observed.

“Not too many reasons not to be.” Lee slipped back into his seat with the darts, offering Sam his color, “Good drinks and good company go a long way.” Lee sipped from his drink, the fruit was tangible and sweet.

“Yeah, it does.” Sam agreed and took his darts, going to the line, “So, you assume you can just win and I'll fall into bed with you?”

“I was more or less working on charming you and you'd swoon. We'd make a good time of it and whether we sleep together is completely up to you.” Lee gave him a warm smile.

Sam thought about that as he was throwing his darts and he might have missed the first bullseye because he was mulling over Lee's words too much, but the rest took.

“What about you? Wanting a date? Me thinks I've already got your attention.” Lee grinned. Sam was quiet a moment, face flushing with more than the alcohol.

“I've never done anything with a guy before.” Sam admitted, “I guess... yeah, I think you're cute.”

“Cute? Not studly?” Lee teased and flexed his arms and chest, but it could hardly be seen through the janitor uniform. And Lee was no body builder. Sam laughed behind his hand. Lee gathered his darts and within a few movements, all of his darts were stuck in the center, winning him the game. Sam watched, impressed. It took a lot to beat Sam at darts; a game he practically grew up with, “Well, I guess you have an open opportunity now, don't you?” Lee spread his arms invitingly and Sam felt a bit dumbfounded. Lee lifted a finger, “Only if you're interested.” Sam took a deep breath. He'd always been curious and finally, he did have an opportunity with a fairly intriguing man. And Bloody Mary had him thinking; why the hell not? Dean got laid, why not Sam?

“Yeah, I'd like that.” Sam finally agreed.


	2. Just One Night

They took a cab to an apartment complex and Sam felt his stomach twist nervously, especially when Lee curled an arm around his waist and laid his hand on Sam's hip. Lee's apartment was... well, old fashioned? Chess tiles floor? Really? It was like stepping into the 1950s'. Sam thought briefly, Dean would feel right at home there.

“Interesting place.” Sam commented dryly.

“Took me a few years, but I finally got it the way I like it.” Lee shut the door behind them. Sam wet his lips nervously and Lee curled his fingers for Sam to come closer. Sam felt his heart thudding against his ribs and brought their faces closer. Sam found himself focused on the green speckled gold eyes and the smell of strawberries.

Lee gave him a wry smile and his hand cupped Sam's neck, drawing him into a deep, warm kiss. Sam briefly thought that he shouldn't let himself be lead into this too easily, but Lee's lips firm and sweet and it felt like a long time since he last did anything with anybody. Sam leaned into the other man and Lee was solid. Lee may have been a head shorter than Sam, but he was anything but dainty. Sam leaned his forearms heavily on Lee's shoulders, being drawn deeper into the kiss as Lee's fingers raked into his hair. Lee didn't balk at Sam's weight and Sam rarely met someone who didn't just let Sam take charge because of sheer height. Lee kissed him thoroughly and Sam missed that sensation; kissing someone deeply and hungrily.

Lee chuckled as their lips disconnected, “You are really tall.”

“Yeah, I get that.” Sam bent down, closer to Lee's level, Sam's teeth grazing his own bottom lip, “It's not a problem, is it?”

“Mm, absolutely not.” Lee grinned, “Even less of problem when we hit the bed.” Sam swallowed because the purr to Lee's voice sent a jolt of arousal downward.

“Yeah, okay.” Sam agreed and leaned in to kiss Lee again. 

Sam was nervous. Yes, he'd slept with plenty of women. Jess wasn't his first and only. But he hadn't slept with anyone since Jess. Men were a different matter entirely; Sam always steered clear of any advances in college. John had raised both him and Dean with the army mentality. The 'don't ask, don't tell' policy was still in effect in the Winchester family. Even if his father wasn't alive any more. Sam had been happy with Jess. He could be normal in every way. He figured he could have stayed happy with her never finding out any of his secrets; monster or sexuality related.

Lee lead him to the bedroom, which was fairly well lived in, if not a little unkempt. Lee unbuttoned his janitor uniform and kicked off his boots with practiced ease, “You can't stay fully clothed on me.” Lee smirked up at Sam who stood awkwardly in the middle of the room. Lee untucked the front of Sam's shirt with one tug. Sam flushed; truth be told, he'd more or less hit the realization that this was happening. Lee started unbuttoning Sam's shirt with an ever growing grin on his face.

“Yeah I know.” Sam breathed, starting to help with the buttons, “I just...” He had mentioned that he had never done anything with a man before.

“Nervous?” Lee finished for him.

“Yeah.” Sam nodded, slipping the last button from his shirt.

Lee hummed, “No rush.” Lee was down to a white tank and red boxers. Sam pulled his second shirt over his head and felt warm hands at his waist and eager lips trailing up from his abs. Sam looked down once he pulled off his shirt over his head, seeing Lee had moved in to touch, “Nice body for a cable guy.” Lee's palm rubbed against Sam's aroused cock in his pants and Sam breathed out. Sam was backed up to the bed and before his ass hit the bed, his pants were unzipped and tugged to his thighs, “You're tall and everything, but I am a top.” Sam's jeans and boots were shucked from his legs in a few quick tugs. Sam had figured as much the way Lee had been coming on to him but it was affirming to hear it. 

“I'm not sure what I am.” The words tasted as awkward as his first time with sex entirely. 

“Let's find out, huh?” Lee leaned down, sealing their lips together in a hot kiss. Sam pulled further up onto the bed and Lee followed, his knees assuming a spot between Sam's thighs. Lee's fingers played along the natural dips and curves of Sam's abs. Sam took in sharply as Lee started to kiss, or rather, suck down Sam's neck. He paused for but moment by Sam's collarbone, “Don't be too intimidated by my sexiness.” Lee waggled his brows at Sam and Sam smiled.

“You should take your shirt off then.” Sam tugged the tank top upwards and over Lee's head. Lee nodded in approval.

“That's the spirit.” Lee then rewarded Sam by wrapping his mouth around one of Sam's nipples and sucked.

“Oh...” Sam surprised himself by moaning and Lee rubbed Sam through his briefs. Sam's hands gripped Lee's arms and his knees lifted higher. Lee's mouth came off Sam's chest with his tongue.

“I like that sound.” Lee teased and proceeded to treat the other nipple to the same treatment. Sam's skin flooded with heat and his hips moved against Lee's hand as Lee's knees slid under Sam's thighs.

Sam felt how close Lee was between his legs. Their cocks were nearly rubbing together through their underwear. Sam groaned softly. He'd never been touched this way before but Lee seemed to know what he was doing. Sam's hands pressed against Lee's chest, running it down his flesh and he curled forward to kiss Lee's neck. Sam's fingers curled into Lee's thick, wavy hair. Lee hummed and Sam could almost hear the grin in the sound, encouraging him onwards. Lee then pressed their bodies together, frotting and gently grinding, causing them both to groan. 

“Oh God...” Sam gasped and Lee paused for just a moment.

“Mm, nice compliment.” Lee purred in his ear, “Try Lee. It's my name.” Sam's face burned, remembering partially that maybe that was a bit blasphemous. This whole thing was blasphemous. Lee's hand dipped between Sam's legs and his fingers pressed between his thighs, rubbing lazily between his butt cheeks. Sam's fingers dug into Lee's back and Sam breathed in sharply. He bit his lip hard enough to bruise. That was a sensitive area.

“Want more?” Lee lifted a brow and Sam nodded. He wanted to feel more of that. Sam pushed his briefs down and Lee assisted them down Sam's legs. Sam felt his stomach tighten when Lee pulled out a condom and a bottle of lubrication. Lee kicked off his boxers and Sam got to see, well, Lee's average body. Sam actively worked out; to better his hunting and it helped him work through some case problems. Lee wasn't fat, but nor was he toned. It didn't stop the pleasure of Lee's hand's though. Lee's cock was at full attention and the earlier comparison in size did not parallel downstairs for Lee.

Lee leaned over Sam, his lube wet fingers pressing and rubbing between Sam's tight cheeks. Sam took in a sharp breath, his knees parting for more. His fingers dragged the soft cotton sheets from above him closer. It was a bizarre change from stroking his cock. Sometimes he'd thought about it in the motel room showers. He'd soap up his hand and slide it over his hole, feeling a thrill from it. But Sam would always remember the stories of Sodom and Gomorrah and what the priest would always tell Dean and Sam about sodomy when he was younger and he'd shy away from actually allowing himself to enjoy it. Sam held his breath as Lee's fingers circled the sensitive flesh. 

“Relax.” Lee murmured close to Sam's ear and a whimper escaped Sam's lips, “It'll feel really good when you let it in.” Sam swallowed; right, let go. Letting go wasn't exactly easy with some stranger between his legs and feeling smothered with horror stories of Hell if he committed this act.

Lee started kissing Sam's tight belly and little sparks jumped to Sam's groin. Lee seemed to have endless patience with Sam's stubborn body; because at that point, Sam was annoyed by his own tightness. It was halting his path to something he really wanted. Lee's fingers continued to tease Sam's entrance, pressing in the pad of the finger and then sliding along Sam's valley; making Sam's skin tingle. Lee's other hand pet and squeezed Sam's thigh and the junction between his hip and leg. 

Just as Sam was going to apologize for it taking so long, Lee's finger twisted and slipped in. Sam's whole body twitched to the sudden sensation. Lee just glanced at Sam, an amused look in his eyes. Sam panted, thinking now that maybe Lee has really been teasing him for several unnecessary minutes.

“Fuck...” Sam muttered, the new sensation pressing further into him.

“Soon.” Lee promised with a curled smile. A shiver rolled up Sam's spine from the promise, “Do you know how sexy you are? Twitching and trying to hold back?” Sam's skin grew hot, realizing Lee was a talker.

“I'm not trying.” Sam muttered with a breath because the finger was moving, up and own, stretching his hole as another finger was already pressing in. He never knew fullness could feel so good. 

“Yet you're so tense.” Lee eased the second finger, sliding freely with the help of a stream of lube, “I bet you don't let go often.”

“Ah...”Sam's back arched, feeling so good as Lee's fingers curled up in him, making his cock jump from a jot of pleasure, “Fuck, Lee...”

“Sexy and tight.” Lee grinned.

“Stop talking.” Sam hated that Lee was so cool and Sam felt like he was coming apart like some virgin girl. If Dean ever found out about this, he'd be branded for life as a girl.

“Mm, you say something?” Lee asked, brows lifted, “You're so distracting when you move like that.” Sam gasped, a loud moan escaping him was Lee's fingers started thrusting and somewhere in that a third finger slipped into the action. Sam knew it had because there was a slight burn as he was stretched further. It was a good burn though. Sam started to stroke his own cock. He wanted to cum badly then, there was just such a build up already. Lee's hand guided Sam's wrist away and kissed his knuckles, “You want to end this party early?” His voice was no longer as teasing. Sam was annoyed enough to glare at him.

“You're being a tease.” Sam accused as he pulled his hand back from Lee's lips.

“You ready then?” Lee thrust his fingers deep into Sam. Sam squirmed, a sharp breath leaving him.

“Yeah.” Sam nodded and Lee eased his fingers out, leaving Sam feeling vacant as Lee opened the condom and rolled it over his hard dick. Sam pressed his head into the mattress, looking at the ceiling, a small wave of nerves eating at him again. Lee's cock was thicker than his fingers. Lee slid closer, his knees lifting Sam's thighs. Then the head was pressing in and Sam took in a sharp breath, his hand pressing against Lee's knee.

“Relax.” Lee reminded him and Sam hesitated but, slowly, he let the breath out. As he did, it slipped in a few inches and Sam groaned lowly.

“Oh God. Fuck...” Sam gasped as he nearly pulled the fitted sheet off of the mattress, “Oh fuck.” He was really doing this. A few more inches slid home and Sam's eyes watered with the stretching sensation. He wasn't sure if it was pain at first; it was just a lost of pressure everywhere. Sam released the sheets and pressed a hand to Lee's chest about the same time Lee was flush against him; reaching Sam's limit, “Wait, wait...”

“Waiting.” Lee didn't sound so composed now, which made Sam feel somewhat better. Sam shut his eyes tight, breathing hard. He understood a little why they always said have patience with virgins. Sam felt a kiss to his chest and hands on his hips slid under his waist where his back ached from the angle, “Deep breaths. Relax.” Again, Sam's body wanted to disobey, but Sam took deep breathes, his knees finally unlocking and he felt Lee's mouth on his chest, focusing on his pert nipples. Sam moaned softly, his hips jerking in surprise. Oh, the feeling of movement made Sam groan. Lee's hands caught Sam's hips and Lee moved. He pressed in just a little further and Sam moved from it. Sam's legs were clutched tight to Lee's waist. The most minute movement felt so powerful and Sam hissed a little.

“Lift this leg.” Lee touched one thigh and Sam did so, taking a moment to focus enough attention to it. Lee slid it over his shoulder and rocked forward and back, lifting his hips higher.

“Oh God...” Sam covered his his eyes with his arm, losing himself for a moment as they naturally rocked into each other. Then the rolling became shallow thrusting and Sam gasped, voice going higher than normal. It wasn't exactly a slow pace, but it felt good; it filled Sam to the core and his grip on Lee tightened. The sensations crashed into Sam like a waterfall and Sam wasn't looking to regain his senses from it. He wanted to stay lost in the intensity of pleasure; the waves crashed the more Lee pressed back into him. He drank in the tremors of his own body, the kind he'd never felt before, “Ah, more, please, Lee, more...” Their lips met before Sam felt the full thrusts and he was so far gone he could not find words. English one anyway; the only language he seemed to formulate in his mind was a short vocabulary that was fully dedicated to encouraging more pleasure through his system. Sam's back arched up, breaking their lips but releasing several variants of sounds Sam didn't even know he could make. His body writhed to meet the rhythmic movements and his nails were digging into Lee's thigh and the sheets. Sam's eyes were closed tight, only focusing on the energy that knotted and spasmed inside him.

Sam's orgasm blindsided him. His legs tightened around Lee's shoulder and his body clenched as he came over his own stomach. Lee was a couple thrusts behind him; driving in deep and groaning loudly. Their movement slowly declined until Lee pulled out and rolled over onto the bed. Sam panted, his body trembling, and eyes fixated blearily on the ceiling. The sound of the both of their breaths echoed off the walls of the room. His legs were still spread; still vibrating some from the remaining trails of bliss. 

Lee rolled over onto his chest and elbows after the heat cooled down and he breathed out contentment. Sam was still catching his breath. 

“That was fun.” Lee grinned over at Sam, who managed a smile.

“Yeah.” Sam agreed and couldn't help but feel a little self conscious as Lee smiled at him. Sam knew he and Dean would be gone in a few days, it's how it always was. Sam wasn't used to one night stands. Dean seemed to have mastered it, forgetting the woman he bumped with after a couple days or hours. Sam found himself missing warmth of someone he could go back to regularly, “Where's your bathroom?”

“Back out the door, only other room from the living room.” Lee informed him. There was no rush to Lee's words, but Sam felt he should go; take a leaf out of Dean's book for subtly. This was a one time deal. He had to go back to hunting tomorrow. Sam sat up; slowly.

“Thanks.” Sam pushed himself to his feel carefully, feeling strain in his muscles. He never knew he could feel some of the lower extremities like he did right then.

“Take your time.” Lee offered from the bed and Sam wobbled a bit to get to the bathroom with an embarrassing gimp. 

Once alone, Sam took a deep breath. He only hurt a little; he'd hurt far worse from salt and burns. He collected himself in the mirror and rinsed himself off. His hair was a mess and he combed his fingers through it. He'd... he'd really done it. He'd slept with a man. And it felt great. He liked it more than he ever thought he would. And he wasn't sure what to think about that. Sam took a deep breath and walked out to get his clothes. Sam redressed and Lee had put his boxers on; watching from the bed.

“We should do this again some time” Lee was laid out comfortably on his queen sized bed.

“Um, if I have the time, sure.” Sam checked the pockets of his jeans as he finished buttoning them up. He found everything accounted for and began to put on his shirts, feeling Lee's eyes on his back, or rather, lower back, “I do have work tomorrow.”

“Of course,” Lee smiled, “Don't hesitate to come back.” Lee waggled his brows suggestively and Sam looked away, waving as he showed himself the door. Sam didn't like one night stands, but hunting didn't allow for anything else. 

On Sam's way back to the motel room, he felt his pocket vibrate. He flicked open his phone and frowned at the text message was from someone called “L”.

>>  
[Stole your Number. Call me any time, Sexy -Lee]

Sam debated replying but instead he shut he phone and slipped it back into his pocket. He didn't plan on going back. He didn't.


	3. Just One More Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (If you want to read up on how Gabriel got his dog, you may go want to go read my fic _The Untold Tail_ )

Sam couldn't remember the last time he wanted to strangle Dean. His laptop was still missing and Dean had the gall to accuse Sam of touching the Impala's tires. After calling Bobby, Sam had to leave, lest he did something he would regret. It would take Bobby the night to arrive. Sam stood on the corner of the street and stared at his cell phone. The contact “L” was still there. He wanted to get out of the motel room to not kill his brother, and in a way, he kind of wanted to get back at Dean for all of his immature antics over the past week; in his own passive way. He wanted to feel good again, forget this madness of aliens and alligators.

Sam pressed the send button and held his phone to his ear. Sam wet his dry lips as he waited for Lee to pick up.

“Hello, Sam.”

“Hey.” Sam took a deep, steady breath. Lee sounded happy to hear from him at least, “I was wondering... I'm still in town...”

“Want to come over?” Lee asked smoothly

Sam let out a relieved breath, “If you're available.”

“Yeah! Hey, do you like dogs?”

Sam paused, “Dogs?”

When Sam arrived at Lee's apartment, the door was opened for him by Lee and a small Jack Russel Terrier yipped at him excitedly and then snapped his jaws territorially. Sam raised his brows at Lee, who grinned at him.

“You didn't have a dog before,” Sam stepped in, slowly shedding his jacket. Lee waved for the dog to stop his aggressive behavior and the dog looked at Lee, discontent with the stranger.

“Max, go lie down. Sam here is a guest.” Lee stared Max down and Max obeyed, trotting over to the couch before curling up on it and huffing as he eyed Sam, “Don't mind him.” Lee closed the door after Sam, “He's had a rough experience with humans.” Lee smiled at Sam, “He followed me home yesterday.”

“Yesterday?” Sam thought that Lee had Max for years the way the nervous dog listened to him.

“Want something to drink?” Lee asked.

“Sure.” Sam laid his jacket over the arm chair that was in the middle of the room, “Beer please.”

“Righto.” Lee walked to the kitchenette and Sam looked at Max. Max eyed him in return. Sam liked dogs. He would have liked to rub Max's head and make a canine friend for a while, but he wasn't going to get bit for his trouble. A cold beer touched Sam's arm; as did a bag that crinkled. Sam looked down; Lee was offering Sam a bag of dog treats and Max lifted his head alertly.

“I wouldn't hand feed him yet, but he'll warm up to you better with some munchies.” Lee gave him a smile and Sam returned it. Sam first took the open beer and drank from it before he opened the plastic zipper. Max slid down off the couch and trotted within a few feet of Sam, but no closer.

“Sit.” Sam said and Max tilted his head at him. Lee chuckled and shook his head.

“He doesn't know any tricks.” Lee told him.

“Not even basic obedience?” Sam asked. Lee scratched his chin idly, looking at Max.

“Nope, he was a street dog.” Lee said, “I don't think he needs strict obedience.” Sam held the treat between his fingers and Max stared at it, nose twitching.

“Every dog should know basic commands.” Sam had always read up on the subject in his spare time, for that off chance he did get a dog again, “I mean, communication with your dog and making sure he listens if he gets away.” Lee raised his brows and Max barked impatiently.

“I suppose.” Lee agreed slowly.

“Here.” Sam shuffled a little closer to Max, holding the treat higher until Max's nose followed it, “Like this.” Sam had taught Bones simple commands within the week he had the dog. Sam had little knowledge of training an animal back then, and he'd only had pizza crusts as treats. Max's nose followed upwards and his hind end hit the floor, staring at the treat, “Sit.” Sam said clearly before he tossed Max the treat, “Good boy.” Lee blinked, impressed as Max crunched on the tiny bone shaped morsel and then looked back up at Sam for more. Sam repeated the process and Lee grinned.

“You're good.” Lee complimented, “Color me impressed.” Sam smiled.

“I like dogs.” Sam said, “But I could never have one. Dad...” Sam's throat tightened, remembering his father had passed away months ago, “We lived a hectic life.”

Lee hummed, as though he understood, “Dads are funny that way.” Sam didn't think Lee, a man living a normal life as a janitor, could understand the childhood of a hunter's son. But Lee at least sounded like he wanted to sympathize.

“Yeah.” Sam said anyway and tossed Max another treat for good behavior before he zipped up the bag. Max made a grunt noise and moved forward for more; even sitting near Sam's feet. Sam ignored him, as cute as the behavior was, “He's highly food motivated. He should be easy to train.” Lee took the bag and put it in one of the drawers in the kitchen.

“So you didn't come over to just train my pooch, did you.” Lee inquired as he approached Sam again.

“No.” Sam admitted slowly. His return to Lee's was softened by the wet nose and floppy ears of a dog that had just found a home. But Sam did not forget why he'd come back, “I didn't expect to like it so much, actually.” Lee smirked, his hand glided over to rest on Sam's waist.

“Come back for more fun?” Lee waggled his brows and Sam smiled a little, in spite of trying to be serious.

“Yeah.” Sam agreed and he moved closer to Lee, draping an arm onto the other man's shoulder before he greeted Lee's mouth with an eager kiss, “I could use some more fun.”

-

Sam awoke to the soft cotton sheets that felt nicer on his skin than any of the motel bed. He opened his eyes and spied Max in the window lit room. Max had his paws up on the bed and he snuffed at Sam as he knew he'd been caught. Max ran from the bedroom, picking up something along the way before nosing his way out. Sam stretched and sat up. He found himself alone in the large queen sized bed. He thought he'd only dozed off for a minute but the sun light outside told him otherwise. He found his cell with several voice mails and he groaned, betting they were all from Dean. He'd told him he wasn't coming back that night, but that was it. 

Sam got up slowly and started looking for his clothes. He redressed in a hurry and shouldered open the bedroom door, buttoning up his shirt.

“Hey, early bird.” Lee said with a smile with a smile and a plate of pancakes on the table.

“I didn't mean to fall asleep.” Sam apologized. Lee shrugged casually.

“We had quite the night last night; I could understand why you did.” Lee gestured to the pancakes, of which there was another plate near by and so as a dispenser of strawberry syrup, “Want some breakfast?” Sam checked his pockets out of habit. One night stands did not usually offer breakfast. He was tempted, only because he was hungry.

“I can't. I have to meet with someone.” Sam said regrettably, patting his pants again as he looked around, “Where's my wallet?” Lee blinked owlishly.

“Is it leather?” Lee looked to the couch.

“Yeah, kind of new.” Sam needed something to carry all the fake ID cards in. They both heard it then; the small grinding of wet leather. Sam placed his hand on the back of the couch and looked behind it, finding Max had a familiar handful of leather between his jaws. Max's eyes lifted and his teeth stopped moving around Sam's wallet. Sam's eyes narrowed, “Max, drop it.” Max lifted his head, the wallet between his paws. Sam's shoulder was nudged and he looked back, finding Lee with the faithful bag of treats. Sam dug one out and Max's nose twitched. Sam threw it across the room and Max bumped his head twice while he skittered back to get it. 

“Don't you have a chew toy for him?” Sam asked once he'd squeezed behind the couch and retrieved his wallet; after Max bounded after the treat. Max was crunching down on the treat and sniffing around for more.

“I only got him the other day.” Lee shrugged and Sam made sure all the IDs were tucked away before he slipped the damp wallet into his back pocket. “I don't suppose you'll come back for a third round?” Lee waggled his brows suggestively as he opened the door for Sam to leave. Sam smiled.

“I doubt it.” Sam said knowingly. Bobby would help them with the case, “But I did have a good time. Every time.” Lee grinned and tugged Sam down by his jacket, taking one last -deep- kiss. One that left Sam breathless.

“Ride's always open, Kiddo.” Lee smiled and Sam would have liked to stay; just a bit longer. But his phone buzzed in his pocket.

“Maybe we'll bump into each other again.” Sam said and started walking back towards his motel room before he could let Lee coax him back into his bed.

-

Dean meandered in the hallway of the college room, keeping the janitor distracted as Sam went to check Lee's locker for evidence of being the trickster they were looking for. Dean liked Lee, he had style. After all, the guy had proclaimed proudly that he'd had lots of sex the night before.

“So, lots of sex, huh?” Dean asked. Dean wanted to have a little macho-man talk about something as he filled the time besides taking about 'wiring the walls'. Dean also couldn't see a guy like Lee picking up college chicks. He wasn't exactly tall or handsome, “Lucky lady must have been good.” Lee paused to a new room and a slow smile crept onto his face.

“Oh, she was.” Lee smiled proudly and opened the door for Dean to explore, “Wild thing, fresh out of college.” Dean smirked a little as he proceeded to “check the room” for this cable-guy gig. Lee leaned against the door frame, arms folded, “Long legs. Muscular thighs. Great ass and tits; very sensitive tits, if you know what I mean.” Dean smirked as he was looking around the room, picturing the girl in his head already; and he liked the look of the girl in his head, “And you know, those big, expressive eyes, fluffy dark hair, and very tall, actually.” 

“Oh yeah? You like tall chicks?” Dean nodded, he sort of liked this janitor. It would be a shame if he had to gank him. He has great taste in women. 

“Oh, of course. They're the ones you got to impress because they think 'Oh, he's short, he's not packing'. But Samantha certainly learned that isn't all about height; if you know what I mean.” Lee laughed, as though recalling last night into memory. Dean chuckled at first but he soon grew a bit uncomfortable, because he often called Sam, Samantha. And he never could really feel comfortable sleeping with girls that reminded him of his brother.

“Samantha?” Dean asked, making sure it was the name.

“Yup, I always remember the good ones. Actually, I think she just called herself Sam.” Lee was smiling devilishly as Dean looked at him; as though he was telling him an obvious lie of some sort. Dean returned to his work quietly. Dean knew his brother wasn't really gay. He might have teased Sam about it, but really, Sam was straight. Sam was going to marry Jess if he'd had the chance. And Lee sort of made it sound like Sam was over last night. But that was stupid. Sam just got his own room for the night. Right?


	4. The Arrangement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (After Tall Tales, 2.15. It is guesstimated that Tall Tales started around February) Thank you so far for all the comments guys :D

Sam stared at his cell phone, laying on his bed. His eyes were focused at his contact list where the name “L” haunted him. It held the trickster's number. He couldn't believe he'd slept with a trickster. He felt... dirty and lied to. He'd liked Lee. He would have liked to spend one more night with the man. Instead, Dean staked him in the heart and for a moment, Sam had stopped breathing. 

Maybe he really did like Lee- the trickster. He worried for a moment that Max didn't have someone to take care of him anymore. He made Dean stop by the apartment complex, explaining that he'd seen a dog when investigating Lee's house; Sam couldn't let Max starve, no matter how untrained he was. When Sam entered the apartment -after lock picking the door- he stopped, staring at the empty space. There was nothing. No claw marked couch, no chair, or kitchen appliances. No bed where Lee had revealed a part of Sam that he'd been afraid of since he hit puberty. No Max barking. No smell of pancakes and strawberry syrup. No more warm kisses. Just cracks in the wall and dull gray carpet. It wasn't even originally a tile floor.

Was anything real? Was it all an illusion to fuck with his head?

Sam tapped the delete key on his cell and it asked him if he was sure that he wanted to delete that particular number. Sam sighed, his thumb hovered over the 'yes'. He'd had such a good time; it wasn't fair. Just imagining Lee simile or whispering heated words into his ear let him forget about hunting things for a while. Sam slid his thumb from the key and hit 'no'. He still had a good time. He wanted something to remember Lee by. Even if it was all fake.

His cell phone started ringing in the motel room and Sam's eyes widened when his phone sang “Sweet-Sugar-Candyman~” Sam hit answer quickly, just to stop the song. It was a good thing Dean was taking a shower.

“H-Hello?” He asked, not sure why Lee's number was calling him with such an obnoxious ring-tone. The trickster was dead.

“Hey, Sam.” The trickster's cheerful voice came through the line. “I wanted to know if we could have a little chat. I figured a week was was good enough for you to stop sobbing over my 'Death'.” Sam sucked in a quick breath as he sat up.

“You... You're alive?” Sam whispered and he sat up, still hearing the shower going and Dean was singing rock to the shower head. Sam slipped out of the motel room and closed it before he spoke again, “But Dean stabbed you.”

“Actually, he stabbed a fake me.” The trickster sounded at ease, as though checking his nails for imperfections, “Still charming and handsome, but not me.”

Sam frowned, anger swelling in him, “We can hunt you down...”

“Sam, I just want to talk to you. We had a nice thing going.” The trickster said calmly, “I wanted to see if we could... come to an arrangement.” Sam stared at his phone, remembering the way Lee felt against him. But also remembering that the trickster had killed two people.

“How do I know it's not a trap?” Sam asked.

“Sam, you were sleeping in my bed. If I wanted you dead, I could have done it in so many ways. But it so happens that I like you and your brother. Dean wouldn't let me go, so I had to convince you I was dead. I really want to meet with you to talk. Just you.” The trickster did make a point; why did he lie instead of killing him?Sam looked to the motel door. He and Dean were between cases at the moment. A time when Dean usually went out and 'got some tail'. It was the 14th of February so he knew for a fact that Dean was going out on the town. Sam never liked meeting people that way and maybe it wasn't 'manly' but Sam liked having sex with one person at a time. Someone he could enjoy and not just sexually. But it wasn't like the trickster was just another night; even human. The trickster had opened Sam's body up like Sam had never experienced before.

“I'm in Utah though.” Sam said, not sure if he'd have to meet up with the trickster a state away, that might stretch his comfort in leaving Dean.

“I know where you are.” The trickster said, “Clarktson, Utah. Blue Ribbon Motel, room 108. Classy.” Sam swallowed. The trickster even knew where they were staying. Sam looked around the streetlight lit parking lot but saw no one obviously looking at him. “I want you to come over to my place. It's the apartment complex down the street. 34 South Main Street. Room 304. No stakes now.” Sam cursed in his mind; he liked back up plans.

“What about a gun?” Sam asked flatly.

“Guns are fine.” The trickster said absently, “See you tonight.” The phone beeped as the call ended. Sam stared at his phone. His mind screamed bad idea. What if it was a trap? What if Dean found out? Why would he want to continue anything with Sam? Didn't the trickster mess with his head enough as it was?

Dean went out minutes later while Sam was till mulling it over. It was Unattached Drifter Christmas after all and Dean dressed in clean, undamaged clothes. Dean prompted Sam to come along so he could 'loosen up after a case well done' but Sam declined. 

"You still LIKE women, right?" Dean scoffed and Sam threw Dean a glare from his bed. It was comments like those that bit into Sam in the worst ways. Especially when he was thinking about meeting with a man he slept with not a week ago.

"Dean. I know where you sleep." Sam knew it was the trickster that had been pulling all those pranks on him and Dean, but he was still highly agitated from all of his brother's attitude. 

"Yeah, just remember to give your hand a break sometime tonight, alright?" Dean shut the door after him and Sam stewed for a good 5 minutes even after he heard the Impala growl and pull out of the lot. He reminded himself that fratricide was something he would regret afterwards. 

What was so bad about maybe, possibly, liking men too? It certainly didn't make him weaker than Dean. Dean and his macho show of being an asshole. How was it fair that even though John was gone, Dean still managed to carry on the legacy of girl names and emasculating him through taunting of 'shooting like a girl' or not liking women. How the Hell would that make someone suck at anything? All it did was inject a belly full of acid that he'd been carrying around since he was young.

Sam packed his gun and handled the stake in his palms. He debated not going. The idea of calling Dean back to hunt the trickster down crossed his mind more than once but he honestly didn't want to see his brother at the moment. So if he was going to hunt, it would be alone. But if the trickster wanted to, he could have made a move while they were unaware. The trickster was smart enough to do that much, right? Sam tucked the blood dried stake back into his duffel and walked out without it.

Sam arrived at the apartment and he heard barking. The familiarity startled Sam. Sam knocked firmly and the door opened to the very same room that had been by Crawford Hall. Chess checkered tile and the time period piece furniture. Standing in the doorway was Max; just Max. Max barked once more before he trotted inside.

“Come on in.” Lee's voice called and Sam swallowed. It felt like the other times he'd been there, casual and calm. Was the trickster not even cautious about Sam being a hunter? Sam stepped in and closed the door slowly. He found the trickster inside, sitting on the stool at the kitchenette table. The table was balanced with a mouth watering stack of treats and fruit. The trickster was wearing real clothes instead of a uniform; jeans and a brown jacket over a shirt. There was a sly smile on his lips and there was a half eaten slice of chocolate cake next to him, “Hey sexy.” He waggled his eye brows at Sam.

Sam immediately frowned, anger boiling in his stomach. It burned with mixtures of Dean's harassment and all the lies that Lee had spun.

"Was ANY of it real?" Sam nearly shook with the injustice of it and it took the edge off of the trickster's smile.

"The sex was real." he leaned his elbow on the table, eying Sam evenly, "And don't go playing innocent on me, you lied about who you were too."

"You KILLED people." Sam's shoulders hunched up, "And then you seduced me for FUN?" The trickster shrugged and made a face that suggested that yes, he did have fun, and he really didn't feel all that bad about enjoying it.

"Well I had fun, and you certainly enjoyed it as well." He spoke calmly, "I seduced a hunter and I'm the thing you hunt. So yeah, I enjoyed the irony."

"You're a twisted piece of work, you know that!" Sam snapped, jaw tight, "You sent a chain saw murder after me!" No, it wasn't the underlying cause of his anger, but Sam nearly got more than a haircut in that fight.

"Hey, I had to make it look convincing, didn't I?" The trickster rolled his eyes, "You guys didn't give me much of an option. And to be honest, I thought it was going to take you forever to stab that double. I could have done a lot worse than I did." The trickster stood from his chair and Sam took it as a threatening move. He pulled out his gun and the trickster rolled his eyes. "Well aren't you trigger happy." Max hopped up on the arm chair and barked a couple times but the trickster waved his hand, "Shush, Max." Max's barks dissipated into a growl voluntarily. Sam eyed the dog for a moment.

"So, he's real?" Sam asked, because as far as he knew, Max was another conjured beast that the trickster had to attack people.

"Very real." The trickster slid over and pet Max's head, calming him further, "He was that animal testing researcher's last 'project'." The trickster spoke with such venom that it took Sam by surprise. Max calmed at the petting, resting his chin on his paws atop the chair, still eying Sam wearily, "So yeah, shoot me for caring about a mutt with no home with a gut full of poison. And killing the human that did it for the sheer enjoyment of watching a body deteriorate." Sam's gun hand relaxed as the trickster started to rub Max's ear. The trickster even smiled when Max made a content noise. 

"You killed the professor." Sam accused.

"HE jumped out of a window after seeing a ghost." the trickster didn't even pause, "I just wanted to screw with him, but he took his own nose dive."

"You sexually assaulted a frat boy with..." Sam shook his head, "With an ALIEN." A cruel smile worked itself onto the trickster's face.

"That one worked out perfectly actually, since he got off on nearly killing his frat brothers with my supply closet." The trickster rolled his eyes back towards Sam, "Trust me, he put them through a lot worse."

"Why should I trust you about anything?" Sam asked lowly.

"Look, I don't have a long kill list. Don't you think you hunters would be finding me more often?" The trickster eyed Sam while he scratched under Max's jaw again, "And I didn't ask you to come here just to justify myself."

"Why did you invite me here?" Sam asked cautiously. 

The trickster pulled away from Max and took a couple steps towards Sam, "I liked what we had going. For a human, you're really attractive and I like you in my bed." 

Sam glared, his grip tightening on his gun, "You can make people appear, why would you bother me about something like that?" And he was a hunter, he was obviously detrimental to the trickster's health if he chose to be.

"Sure, I can make people appear." The trickster lifted his hands and the same two women from Crawford appeared behind him and fawned over him. Sam's teeth ground in annoyance, even when they melted away again at the snap of the trickster's fingers, "But where's that fun in making someone scream when you already know where the right spots are? Real people are irreplaceable in that way."

"I'm not your play thing." Sam stated.

"Wow, you just love to put words into someone's mouth, don't you?" The trickster sauntered up to Sam and was met with the gun against his chest. The trickster eyed it and then Sam's tight expression, "I just happen to like you, Sam. Yes, you're a hunter. A damn sexy one too. I don't like too many humans."

"Lucky me." Sam muttered wearily.

"Look, Kiddo." The trickster leaned into the gun, going so far as to rest his arm on Sam's hand, gazing up at him with partial annoyance, as though he was talking to a brick wall, "The bullet will hurt, but it won't kill me. All I'm saying is that I liked the sex and you liked the sex. So why not hook up every once in a while and have the sex?"

"Because you're a trickster, and I'm a hunter, for one." Sam pushed the trickster off and put the gun back in the seat of his jeans; it wasn't making him feel safe anymore, "You kill people."

"And you kill monsters." The trickster said with as much fact, "I think that's a bit prejudice, don't you?" Sam's face heated up in partial anger. The trickster moved closer again. He brushed Sam's arm with his hand; something akin to understanding. "You don't want your big bro to find out you're little secret. I get that." The trickster's brows rose curiously, "You like sex but you don't get it the way you want on the road." Sam shook his arm and pulled away, his back meeting the wall when he thought it was farther away. "And you're not a horn-dog like him, you want something a little more steady. I like a steady partner as well." The trickster's hand rested on Sam's hip and the trickster was so close Sam could smell the dark chocolate wafting from his confident smirk, "And I can blow your mind with the things I can do to you." Sam swallowed, skin tingling.

"If we do this..." Sam felt the hand on his hip massage warm circles through the denim, "You can't kill anyone." The trickster gave him a look of amusement, "I mean it."

"I will refrain from my deadlier tactics." The trickster promised and his other hand rested on Sam's thigh and pulled Sam from the wall in a way where his feet slid out from under him and he was brought down to the trickster's level as the man leaned into him. the trickster was stronger than he looked.

"Lee isn't your real name, is it?" Sam asked as they were pressed hips to hips. A smile curled on the trickster's face.

"Calling myself Loki is just a dead giveaway, don't you think?" he Leaned close and captured Sam's mouth in a heated kiss. Sam breathed heavily into his mouth, the same thrill filling him from days ago. He slid down the wall further, at least until he rested on Loki's knee, wedging him in place. Sam's hands gripped Loki's hair tightly. 

Perhaps there was something igniting about sleeping with a god than a janitor that spurred the moment. Sam didn't want to think that he just crumpled with a few warm touches and a kiss. It helped a bit that Loki's hands were firm. It made Sam feel somewhat stable even though he was fairly sure that what they were doing was insane by definition.

The metal of the gun bit into his back as Loki pressed into him and Sam gasped between the pain in his back and the grinding against his crotch. It wasn't all together unpleasant. 

"How about we talk this over in bed?" Loki whispered against his skin with a devious smile. Sam ran his teeth over his bottom lip and Loki cupped his thighs, lifting Sam a few inches against the wall, as though Sam weighed nothing more than a bag of flour. It felt good to be pressed into so warmly. Sam thought briefly that he should say no, but that went away when Loki kissed his throat. 

"Oh, okay, okay..." Sam groaned, his hand tight in Loki's jacket.

-

(I'll Keep You My Dirty Little Secret)

Sam was pretty sure he should have felt dirty as he lay spread out on his back, forearm rested over his eyes. He should have felt disgusted for caving and he should not have enjoyed the fact that Loki could do what ever he pleased with him in bed. Sam was not a light man and Loki should not have been able to hold him up and thrust into Sam at the same time. And Sam didn't want to admit to screaming that loud.

“Are you coherent yet?” Loki asked from beside him and Sam only responded with a huff, his own world blacked out with his arm. He felt a hand sneak onto his belly and Sam's abdomen contracted. Loki chuckled before Sam smacked it away, “Well I'm glad you're not so shy anymore.”

“You're a dick.” Sam muttered.

“Mm, sweet talk me some more.” Loki chuckled and Sam felt the movements before he felt body warmth close to his face. He felt warm lips against his and Sam turned his head away to break it. Loki hesitated but pulled back and gave Sam some space, “You were much cuddlier earlier.”

“Earlier I thought you were human.” Sam said bitterly, finally letting his arm slide aside to see again, his skin cooling. Loki lay on his stomach, elbows propping him up. He raised his brows at Sam.

“Is that something you're going to hold over me?” Loki asked, agitation clear in his face.

“I don't even know if what was before was REAL.” Sam elaborated, “You're Loki. The Loki? Scandinavian god of chaos.”

“I know who I am.” Loki gestured to himself, “Chaos not my official title. I'm The God Loki, first and foremost. And from that you humans have labeled me what ever you wish. And all I did in Crawford was omit my godly-hood.”

“That's still lying.”

“You make it sound like a concept beyond your mortal code of conduct.”

“You...” Sam quieted and rubbed his hand down his face, “Look, just because you're a god, doesn't make it right for you to use any powers on me, or, or spells.” Loki's shoulders lumped and he rolled his eyes.

“I haven't used any 'tricks' on you.” Loki knitted his fingers together under his chin and Sam quieted, looking up at the ceiling. Maybe he'd been hoping that Loki had, then it would make sense why he was obviously doing a stupid, irrational thing. Like continuing to sleep with a trickster. Loki leaned over towards Sam. “Do you think I actually used magic to get you into bed with me?” Sam's silence spoke volumes and Loki's mouth spread into a wide grin, “Oh PLEASE, I don't do that, Sam. I don't need those silly tricks to seduce someone. That is just raw talent.” Loki looked at his nails and sounded very pleased with himself. Sam rolled his eyes, trying to ignore the burn on his face. He wasn't an easy lay or anything... he didn't think he was easy to seduce and he didn't think Loki was THAT good at it...

“You aren't THAT good.” Sam grumbled. Loki gave him a curled lip smile.

"You were the one gasping 'Oh, god, OH GOD.'" Loki mimicked Sam moaning dramatically and cackled, humoring himself so much that he rolled onto his back; as though his sides were hurting. Sam threw Loki a glare and pulled himself up, minding his sore backside. He didn't come here to be laughed at and he certainly wasn't going to tolerate it.

"This is a bad idea." Sam concluded, masking his hurt with anger. He pulled his pants closer and pulled them halfway onto his legs. He regretted going there already. He felt a warm hand on his spine and Loki slid next to him, kneeling behind him.

"Look, Kiddo. I'm a god, get over it." Loki kissed Sam's neck playfully. Sam threw Loki a glare over his shoulder, "I can also keep this hush-hush from your brother. And you don't have to go fishing at seedy places to get a good lay." Sam turned his head away, glaring at the wall. He hated when Loki made good points. Because, yes, the sex was great and Sam never liked picking up girls like Dean. Loki rubbed Sam's nape with his fingers, leaning close to his ear, "And for the record, it's really sexy when you moan like that." Sam's face burned again, reaching the tips of his ears, "You've got to start calling the right god's name though." Sam stood, pulling his pants up the rest of the way. He couldn't believe he was sleeping with this jerk.

"We're not exclusive." Sam stated and Loki scoffed, leaning his elbows on the mattress again

"No, of course not. You can bong other people and so can I." Loki snapped his fingers and the bedroom door unlocked and opened as Max trotted in, taking time to sniff around at the new smells. Sam quickly made sure his wallet was in his pocket and Max huffed at Sam before hopping up on the bed. Max flopped next to Loki, who rubbed his exposed belly, "But that doesn't mean you aren't my prime choice for a good time." Loki gave him a flirty smile and Sam pulled his shirts over his head and down his abs. And then his gun. He put that in the seat of his pants, looking at Loki.

"I'll call you, you don't call me." Sam laid down the law with a sweep of his hand. He didn't need Loki popping up when he was busy on a case.

"Fine." Loki agreed with a shrug.

"And you're not allowed to hurt anyone."

Loki rolled his eyes at that one, "I already said yes. God's honor." He tapped his forehead with three fingers and held up a scout’s sign, as though to pledge a promise. Sam didn't believe it for a second that Loki was ever a boy scout. Sam checked if everything was there and he was satisfied it was all there.

"Right..." Sam muttered and headed for the door, hands shoved into his pockets.

"I hate see you go, but I love to watch you leave." Loki grinned and Sam shut the bedroom door after him on his way out.


	5. Shot Through the Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugm, guys I just finished this fic last night, so I'm probably going to do some bulk posting soon. Maybe not now cause I'm really tired, but soon. SOON.
> 
> (After 'Heart', 2.17)

The next few cases were anything but smooth. Sam was happy for the first couple weeks not thinking of Loki. He hoped he wouldn't be calling the trickster any time soon. It would show the deity that Sam wasn't desperate for Loki's attention or anything. And everything seemed to be looking up after he met Madison; the beautiful and intelligent woman that watched soaps and folded her entire underwear collection in front of him. He thought for a moment, she was someone he wanted to get to know, intimately if possible. She reminded him a lot of Jess.

But then... She was a werewolf and he'd had to... He had to be the one to pull the trigger. She'd asked him to. He would have rather have shot himself if it would help her. But of course not. She didn't want to hurt any one. 

Dean hovered over Sam for a few days, acting as though Sam was going to break if he left him alone for too long. Sam was a bit down to appreciate the lack of insults. Sometimes that fact made him feel worse, and he didn't know why. He didn't want Dean pitying him. Thankfully Dean backed off and of course went to celebrate his own time off at the local bar. 

Sam called Loki's number a few minutes later, still feeling waves of guilt crashing over him. He just wanted to feel good for a few minutes. He wanted to let go. He really needed to let go for just a bit.

Loki picked up on the second ring and cheerfully gave him an address.

At least Loki met him at the door this time. Though maybe it wasn't so much a good thing as it was Loki wasn't being lazy and using his powers to show off.

"Well who rained on your parade?" Loki raised a critical brow and Sam rolled his eyes as he walked in. Max greeted him with a couple bouncing barks before running to his couch, as though Sam was going to take it from him. Sam pulled his shirt off over his head and tossed it over the back of Loki's chair before Loki even closed the door. Sam turned to Loki's bemused gaze and he bend down, his hands pushing into Loki's shoulders as he mashed their lips together. Loki made a surprised noise, but unlike a normal person, he didn't hit the wall with Sam's aggression. He was rooted to the floor with the weight of a boulder. It was actually more securing than Sam thought it would be. He pressed his full weight into the kiss and Loki's fingers cupped his elbows, quickly being enticed into the movement of Sam's mouth.

Sam felt himself pressed against the wall, his legs bending under him. He was level with Loki, assaulted by kisses and it was what Sam needed. His fingers dug hard into Loki's shirt and jacket, hungry for the sensations that he could lose himself in. Somehow they stumbled into the bedroom and when Sam's back hit the bed, he was naked. Sam was startled for a moment before he realized Loki had just waved his hand and all of their clothing was just gone. Magic, of course, Sam thought briefly before Loki was over him and kissed his flesh.

It was becoming easier for Sam, to let go, to let the trickster open him up and thrust into him. Sam gripped his hands into the sheets, his knees and face pressed into the bed. For a glorious moment there was no words, just grunting and moans. There was no sentiment or thought, just pleasure. But it was also raw, cutting into Sam's emotions like a scalpel and he felt his eyes burn with tears. He willed his voice to stay steady but his moans started ending in sobs and Loki stopped, which was not what Sam wanted.

"Sam?" Loki's hands eased from his hips and Sam held his breath, trying to get his bearings back. The last thing he needed was for Loki to see him cry during sex. It wasn't even sex related, it just happened.

"Don't stop." Sam shut his eyes tight, half his face pressed into the sheets, "Don't stop, I just want to feel good for a bit. Please. Please..." Loki was hesitant but he pressed forward again and Sam hissed in relief, willing the damn pieces of his heart away. The thrusting was not the fast pace it was early and it didn't blur his mind like he wanted. It felt good though, especially when Loki kissed his back and rocked into him. It was an intimate kind of slow and Sam's eyes filled with more tears. He was just a tense ball of sensation and he hated himself for sobbing into the sheets as they rocked together.

Sam hid in the sheets after the deed was done and he held his breath as he laid flat on the bed. He felt Loki pull away and Sam hoped he wouldn't say anything. He hoped the deity would just give him time alone. Instead he felt a soft blanket pulled over him and it lay warm on his legs and back as Loki laid next to him. Loki slid an arm around Sam's back, pressing his forehead into the back of Sam's neck.

"It's okay." Loki murmured in a soothing way and Sam swallowed wetly, keeping himself down and head turned away from Loki. Loki rubbed Sam's arm and back and Sam used the sheets to soak up his tears as they wracked his body with small tremors. Loki was thankfully silent and Sam refused to look at the trickster. He didn't want to see Loki's expression after seeing him like this...

Sam woke up at the sound of the motel door shutting with a creak and Sam jerked awake, finding himself back in his and Dean's motel room. He was dressed with his clothes from last night and saw Dean was coming back in from his night on the town.

"You still awake?" Dean asked and Sam checked his face with his hands and the clock on the side table that read nearly 2am. He'd gone to see Loki at no later than midnight. his face was hot from crying and he wondered if he'd fallen asleep at Loki's again; which was another stupid mistake. Sam hoped Dean kept the light off.

"I guess I must have dozed off." Sam said automatically, thinking over Loki soothing him with simple strokes of his hands. He wasn't sure if he felt better for it, but it was the first time he'd really let go since Madison's death. 

"Yeah, go back to sleep." Dean tugged off his boots at the bed and Sam got up, feeling the familiar ache after visiting Loki. It was never a bad feeling, but one he could rely on, letting him know it wasn't a dream. Sam went to the bathroom, hoping his gimp looked more like he was waking up his muscles more than anything else. He went to the bathroom and turned on the light, running his hands through his hair after he'd shut the door. He looked himself in the mirror, finding his cheeks still red and a hickey on his neck for his troubles last night. Sam rubbed his hands over his face and cursed himself in his head. He'd made a complete fool of himself and he hadn't even said why he started crying. And he'd started crying in front of Loki. He dreaded going back again. Loki would be as bad as Dean, Sam was sure of it.

Sam shut off the light and went back to his bed, finding Dean was already sprawled out on his bed. Sam sighed and slipped back into bed, curling his sheets around him like Loki had drawn up the blanket; though it was not as warm.


	6. Takes Two to Tango

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (after 2.19, Folsom Prison Blue)

Sam called several weeks later and Loki picked up his phone, setting up another 'sex night'. Sam and Dean had gotten out of jail and burned a murdering nurse for their dad's friend. Sam felt, well, a little dirty after being locked up in jail and had been more than happy to leave when a few of the inmates were eyeballing him. He could almost feel them undressing him with his eyes. Sam admitted at that point, that maybe he did like men as well as women, but he certainly didn't want to have anything to do with violent psychopaths that seemed ready to pounce if Sam bent over in the showers. It was also scary that Dean fit in so well with the crowd.

Luckily Dean also felt the need for something consensual when the job was done and it gave Sam the perfect excuse to find Loki again. And he pulled out some of Dean's old food to bring with him; he really wanted Max to stop barking at him since Sam kept winding up back at Loki's. He might as well make the dog like him.

Sam walked in and stopped, hearing the samba from the door. Max darted around the corner to bark at him and Sam caught a laugh with his hand. Max was wearing a small dog sized sombrero and a small poncho. It was cute, undeniably.

"Olla!" Loki peeked around the corner and the laugh was more startled out of him than anything. Loki was wearing a ridiculous black mustache and Sam had to turn away, not sure what to make of this scene. This wasn't supposed to be funny, what the Hell was Loki doing? Besides that he was swearing a crisp red shirt and black slacks. "Welcome to the party."

"What... are you doing?" Sam finally managed and looked around. Loki's two imaginary ladies were performing the Samba, both dressed in very flirtatious dresses and one was leading the other in a very close and intimate dance. 

"Well, Max and I were going to show the ladies how to dance, but now that you're here, you can be my partner." Loki moved closer and shielded his hand from Max and Sam leaned down to hear over the music, "Max is all left paws if you know what I mean." Max barked again and Loki turned to him, "No, that was YOU. that is the last time I let you lead." Sam took a deep breath. Amusing as it was, this was also a little crazy.

"You must be incredibly bored to do this with two imaginary girls and a dog." Sam concluded and Loki took Sam's hand, pulling him towards the center of the room that was cleared from furniture.

"Well you're here now." Loki gave him a smile under the mustache and Sam set down the small Styrofoam box on a table to rub the bridge of his nose.

"I didn't come here to dance or party." Sam said as the ladies were finishing their number, "And please, I can not handle the mustache..." Sam wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or shy away out of embarrassment. 

"It's hard to dance with this anyway. Maxi, c'mer." Loki bent down as Max trotted over and Loki removed the mustache and fixated it under Max's nose. Max then looked up at Sam with a look of a serious Spanish man and trotted away and Sam found himself laughing, hands clutching his sides. Okay, it was priceless, he couldn't help it. Loki looked much better without the mustache and with a fully viewable smile. Loki gave him a proper, charming smile, holding out his hand for Sam's, "Come on, let's teach these ladies how to dance."

Sam stared at him, because he was certain that Loki was certifiable at this point, "Loki..." Loki gestured for Sam's hand again.

"Come on, when was the last time you had some fun?" Loki pried, lifting his brows, his hair slicked back all nice. Sam let out a slow breath. Yeah, okay. He could play along. It wasn't like there were actual people watching them. 

"I've never samba'd before." Sam warned him as he rested his hand in Loki's and immediately the lights dimmed and Sam was no longer wearing his jeans and flannel but sharp violet shirt and form fitting black dancing pants. 

"I'll lead. Just have fun with it." Loki pulled Sam close and the music started up as the women were watching from the couch that was moved to the kitchen area. 

Sam was not a big party person in the first place; so no, he didn't dance. He studied Law in college and the rest of his life time was hunting the paranormal. Sam discovered he was awful at the Samba. He stepped on Loki's feet multiple times. He was spun around, lead around the room and he was tipped forward and back. His face was red from embarrassment and muttering sorry every few moments. Why did he decide to do this again?

"Relax, you're too tense." Loki said, who was of course, flawless, it seemed to Sam. He didn't even flinch when Sam stepped on his feet. Loki just laughed, though whether he was laughing At Sam or WITH Sam could be argued and it just made Sam feel more self conscious, "Stop trying so hard."

"I can't dance." Sam nearly spat, face red with humiliation. Loki pulled Sam's back against his chest.

"That's because your knees are stiff." Loki tipped Sam back and Sam felt like he was falling, "You've got to trust me." Sam tensed up, trying to keep himself stable but Loki wasn't having any of that. Sam was used to people being unable to physically hold him up right. He was nearly six and a half feet tall and he knew that. And trust was not something Sam was willing to give out to a deity just on a whim. Especially when he was going to humiliate him like this.

Loki's arm curled around Sam's shoulders and Sam still felt like he was falling, but he didn't hit the floor. Sam's hand had caught on Loki's shoulder, but it wasn't really needed, not when Loki was dipping him like an over sized girl. Loki smiled down at Sam. 

"I'm not going to drop you, Sam." Loki said and Sam remembered that Loki was much stronger than he looked. Sam pursed his lips, his fingers loosening on Loki's shoulder. Loki had him in the air just with a hand on his waist and an arm against his back. He made it look effortless. Sam wondered exactly how strong this deity really was. 

Sam swallowed and the beat picked up, but instead of Loki pulling Sam back to his feet, Max jumped in on his hind legs and started hopping around to the music. Sam saw that and he wasn't sure if it was the adrenaline from fear or his embarrassment, but he covered his face with his hands, a fit of laughter wracked his body. This was ridiculous and he couldn't stop his laugh from escaping.

When Sam's fit died down, he slid his hands down his red face and Loki just had this endearing smile on his face. He wasn't even watching Max hop around like some circus dog. Sam cleared his throat and pulled himself up, using Loki's sold shoulder as support. Loki let him, the music died down and the women had disappeared sometime during the song.

"You're crazy." Sam told him again.

"You may be right," Loki grinned, clapping his hands still to Max's hopping about, "But hey, it might just be a lunatic you're looking for." Sam smiled and rolled his eyes at the song reference. Sam scooped up the container he'd brought as Max finished his hopping routine and jogged back to Loki. Loki finally relieved him of the mustache and tossed it into some neither world because it disappeared before it hit the floor. Sam still found himself in the samba outfit. 

"You're lucky you have a cute dog." Sam told him and Sam popped open the container, gaining Max's attention.

"Oh that's all you're here for?" Loki asked, faux hurt in his tone, "To make my dog fat in the belly and the head. You're going to give him a terrible ego."

"I doubt it would be as bad as yours." Sam picked up a pair of cold french fries and Max's tail started to imitate a weed whacker with excitement.

"Okay, you got me there." Loki shrugged, his hands skidding into his pockets. 

"Do you remember sit, Max, huh?" Sam waved the fries down lower and Max shuffled and huffed through his jowls as his butt hit the floor. Sam nodded, impressed. He dropped the fry down and Max hopped up to chew it. "Did you train him?"

"No." Loki shook his head, "I taught him some human." Sam stared at Loki through narrowed brows.

"You... taught him human?" Sam repeated.

"Well yes, he didn't need 'training'." Loki used quote fingers, "I just explained that humans don't used as many body motions to communicate. Humans are all talk. Right, Maxi?" Max barked and sat on his hunches, paws together at his chest and he gave Sam the saddest, head tilt and wateriest expression Sam had ever seen on an animal. 

"The begging?" Sam eyed Loki wearily, but despite his resistant to dogs begging for food, he tossed down another fry and Max dove for it. Loki smiled and shrugged a little, looking at the wall.

"That one he wanted to learn. I told him it would get him more food." Loki shrugged, "You um..." Loki paused and Sam looked up, an amused smile on his face. Since when did the Norse god Loki lose his words?

"What?" Sam prompted and Loki gave another shrug.

"I may have based his puppy eyes off of yours. So you could say you taught him that." Loki waved a hand, as though trying to not make it such a big deal.

Sam pursed his lips, remembering that he'd been distraught in the middle of sex last time he arrived, "I didn't mean to do that."

"Yeah, I know." Loki slid closer and tossed a couple more fries from Sam's container and Max ran after them. "How about we make up for that?" Loki's bumped against Sam's hip and Sam nodded, closing the container. He didn't exactly want to discuss why he'd been sobbing in the middle of sex to Loki. Loki wasn't prying or making fun of him for it either. At least he was somewhat decent about that.

-

Sam laid in bed, resting his cheek on his folded arms in Loki's large bed. He glanced at Loki who looked so relaxed that he should have been smoking a cigarette after that last round. His arms were tucked under his head and he was smiling with his eyes closed.

"What in the world was that dancing thing about?" Sam asked finally after cooling down. The small party seemed sporadic and Sam didn't see a goal in it.

"Just a bit of fun." Loki replied easily gave Sam a side long smile, the relaxed kind that Sam had maybe caught glances at but never really got along look until now.

"Seemed a bit excessive. We could have gotten to this faster." Sam wet his lips with his tongue, his body still tingling from Loki's hands.

"I wanted you to laugh." Loki was looking right at him, "No fun if you come here in a bad mood, come for a fuck and then leave. Got to throw in some variety." Loki's smile grew to reflect his more trickster side, "Maybe next time we can Tango."

Sam snorted immediately, "No, I can't do that either."

"I could teach you." Loki rolled onto his side, towards Sam, "It's really sexy when you get into it." Sam pursed his lips. He never intended to come here and samba. He didn't think it was appropriate that they start dancing on a regular basis.

"No, thanks." Sam took a deep breath and sat up, pulling the sheet up over his lap, "It's too... this is not supposed to be complicated." Loki's smile fell for a moment, but then he shrugged.

"Yeah, complicated. Everything is supposed to be nice and simple, right?" There was a little bite to his words, but Sam got the feeling it wasn't all for him, "Okay, so I won't teach you to dance. But you coming, fucking and going is a bit monotonous. And I don't do boring, so you're going to deal with me spicing it up every once in a while." Sam frowned. Was Loki calling him boring? "Don't give me that look. When you live so long, you want to keep things upbeat, otherwise, what kind of lover am I?" Sam rolled his eyes. Of course, it was Loki's own ego.

"Just... simple is good for me." Sam got his clothes. Because that was all this was. It was simple, a hook up. A hook up they made many times. Sam still resisted every time he looked up the number. They didn't have a relationship, it was just something they did every few weeks for them to feel good. "At least your dog is cute." Loki grinned more than he should have at the simple comment and Sam didn't think he should have encouraged Loki by smiling back.


	7. One Of Those Long, Hard Days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (After 3.01, the Magnificent Seven)

Sam pushed Loki's door open and Max was there, wagging his tail. He gave a welcoming whine like noise and sat at Sam's feet. Sam gave him a tired smile and closed the door after him. He leaned down to pet Max's head but Max rumbled a growl in dislike of his fingers and he slid down to the tile floor with his paws, licking his chops nervously. Sam rolled his eyes. How could he forget, Max still didn't want to be pet. All he wanted was food. Sam dug in his pocket and brandished a napkin of bacon. It was his of course, Dean would never willingly part with any meat by-product. Max's tail started wagging and Sam didn't even make him do tricks. He set the napkin down on the floor and entered the living room. Spoiled dog, Sam thought as he heard the slurp-crunch of bacon.

Loki was throwing darts to a board on one of the kitchen cabinets from the couch and Sam stood by the arm chair, laying his jacket over the back of it, "How are you always home when I call?" Sam asked after Loki made his shot. Loki smirked, taking aim with the next dart. 

"It's been a month and that's the first question that pops into your head?" Loki asked with a bit of an edge in his voice. It was unusual. Loki was usually so easy going.

"I've been busy." Sam explained and ran his fingers through his hair, "Stopping the gates of Hell from opening..." Being kidnapped, killing Yellow eyes, seeing all the other people his age kill each other.

"I know." Loki threw his next dart and it stuck itself dead center on the board. Loki's full focus was on that board.

"You know?" Sam frowned, hands resting on the back of the chair.

"Hard not to know when you're a god." Loki drawled, rolling his eyes towards Sam for a moment, as though his anger was towards Sam. Sam wasn't sure what to make of that. He'd been one of the ones to CLOSE Hell's gate so he didn't understand why Loki was angry at him, "I felt it, Sam. A whole mess of hungry demons just leaving death in their trail. It's hard to miss when you find a candy store full of humans with so many life savers down their throats that the name doesn't even make sense any more."

Sam paused. Was... Loki angry because people were dead or because good candy went to waste? If it was the former, it gave Loki more credit to having a heart. Sam did want to give Loki the benefit of the doubt, just on principal if that was the case, "We sent all the deadly sins back to Hell, if that counts for anything."

Loki looked at Sam, as if trying to read his mind. His eyes were a sharp, crisp amber and Sam felt his stomach clench. Loki actually looked more like the monsters they faced on the road. He was no longer easy going for that moment. Sam was sure then that Loki was never human; he just played one every once in a while. Sam's fingers curled into the back of Loki's arm chair as Loki stood up. Loki took a deep breath, finally breaking eye contact and seeming to return to that human state, "Demons are a nuisance, is all." Loki looked back to Sam, eyes not so sharp and they returned to a warm caramel color. Sam let out a breath he hadn't been aware that he'd been holding, "I'm glad you closed it so no others wormed their way out."

"Yeah..." Sam breathed, so tired from the past weeks. He didn't want to think about all of the other chosen children being killed. He didn't want to think of Dean's soul being sold while he was brought back from the dead. It all hurt and he came here to lose himself. Maybe that's why Dean was having monumental amounts of sex himself.

"I was actually in England." Loki suddenly spoke after Sam's silence took over.

"What?" Sam hadn't fully been paying attention.

"I wasn't at home when you called, I was in England." Loki filled in, walking over to Sam, "I'm not always home, I do go out, believe it or not. I don't just sit around waiting for you to call."

Actually, it was exactly what Sam had been thinking and he felt bad for it now, "I didn't think you did." Loki gave an amused smile.

"Of course not." He took Sam's hand and kissed the back of it. Sam stared, not sure what to make of the soft motion of Loki's lips on his hand. It always seemed too intimate sometimes, and he should have told Loki to cut it out, but at least they weren't dancing and Loki wasn't holding him mid air effortlessly while Max did the samba hop. 

Sam's lips slipped into a small smile, "It's been a long day."

Loki tugged Sam towards the bedroom, "Let's talk it over in bed then."


	8. Canine Truces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (after 3.03 Bad Day at Bad Rock)

Loki looked at Sam long and hard and Sam sighed, trying to ignore the way Loki's brows rose up, "You look..."

"Please, just don't say anything." Sam walked into Loki's apartment, past Max and Loki. He did just have the worst day ever the night before; after the rabbit's foot and meeting Bela. He was still healing from a bullet wound in the shoulder and still recovering from the spill he took in the parking lot. He'd bought a new pair of shoes and he needed a mental break from Dean and his 'living the new life' adventure though women, booze, gambling, and vacations.

He tossed Max as couple baby carrots from his salad the other night and Max crunched those up eagerly. Loki raised a brow. 

"They're good for dogs' teeth." Sam shrugged. He liked to think he wasn't just making Max fat with all the things he brought him. 

"I didn't even think he liked vegetables." Loki shrugged.

"Carrot are sweet." Sam told him and Loki laughed at him. Plain as day laughed at him.

"Apples are sweet. Strawberries are sweet. Carrots are not sweet. I would know." Loki declared on his way towards the bedroom. Sam rolled his eyes and followed.

-

Sam woke up from a small post sex nap from the movement on the queen sized bed. Apparently Max decided to climb in with them and Loki was sitting cross legged with his red boxers on and was eagerly scratching Max's ears while his tail was thumping the bed. Sam rolled over, pulling the sheets over his lap and Loki smiled at him. 

"Hey, sleeping beauty." Loki patted Max's chest and Sam rubbed his eyes with his palms.

"You've got to stop letting me fall asleep here." Sam muttered.

"But you're so pretty when you're sleeping." Loki chuckled and Sam rolled his eyes.

"You're no prince charming." Sam reached over to join in Max's petting but Max lowered his head and a low growl rumbled out of him. Sam immediately pulled his hand back, not willing to get bit. It was frustrating, trying to be friendly with an animal that was so comfortable with a Norse god, a monster, compared to him. And Sam loved dogs, so yes, it stung a bit. Sam tucked his hands into his lap.

"Max." Loki scolded, voice firm. Max turned watery eyes on Loki but Loki tapped his nose, "Sam has never hurt you, and he's a guest. You can't treat every human like they're going to kill you. Got it?" Max's ears shifted a bit and his tongue darted out, licking Loki's finger for forgiveness.

"So... he's a real dog." Sam said slowly.

"Yes, he's not one of my concoctions." Loki patted Max's neck, "He's all flawed, scarred, and everything." Sam curled his knees to his chest and rested his arms on them.

"What happened to him?" Sam asked.

Loki eyed him, ceasing Max's petting, "I told you, Max was part of that animal testing idiot was doing as a side project back at Crawford." Sam remembered little on the details of the testing, Dean had been the one to sum it up.

"It must have been bad." Sam said reasonably.

"He look a petri dish of 5 human diseases, and pumped them into a dog, wanting to see how the body would react." Loki's voice was neutral and Max whined, licking the hand that rested on Loki's knees, ears lowered, "He was the last test. He was melting from the inside if you must know. So yeah, you could say he doesn't really like humans."

Sam stared for a while, feeling for the dog. Sam knew what it was like, so have someone do something unwilling experiment on his body with out his consent. To have a demon put poison in his veins and unable to stop it.

"And the little dog-brain decided to stay with me." Loki shrugged. He rubbed Max's ear and glanced back at Sam, a small smile on his lips, "Do you know how many times I've had to cure his belly aches? He eats just about everything." Sam smiled a little.

"Like wallets." Sam curled his fingers and held them towards Max, though more so Max could smell him than to pet him, "He's lucky to have you." Loki's smile grew.

"He chose to stay, that's all." Loki said as Max started sniffing Sam's fingers. Then his tongue darted out to lick Sam's fingers. Sam grinned, feeling some sort of truce was made. Even though Max turned away right afterwards and settled his chin on Loki's thigh and huffed out through his jowls. Loki chuckled, rubbing Max's floppy ears, "Looks like you're starting to grow on him."

"Yeah." Sam agreed with a smile as Loki began to rub Max's belly.


	9. How Thor got His Hammer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (After 3.06 Red Sky at Morning)  
> (Loki's story is based off an actual Norse story.)

"No one can just be alright with dying." Sam grumbled as he lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling of Loki's bedroom. Sam was becoming far too familiar with those four walls. Like the time pieces on shelves that ran along the wall; some of them Sam swore he'd seen in museums. Pottery and stones with carvings that Sam had never seen before. More modern pin ups of women and some men were spread out on the walls. And there was, of all things, a framed glass of candy wrappers, though most of the brands were not American. Little pieces of things that Sam could obviously point to Loki's trickster origins, "Dying AND going to Hell." 

Loki looked somewhat bored with the proceedings, but if he had any complains, he kept it to himself, "He was the one that signed the contract."

"He shouldn't have." Sam muttered, the burning sensation of frustration with Dean finally boiling over. Dean got to go to that party with Bela and Sam had been stuck with the old Silver Fox that wouldn't leave his ass alone. Sam had begun his complaints with the old woman which then spilled over to Dean and his sold soul with the time that was ticking away on his contract. There was barely 6 months left. It ate up what ever bliss had been over Sam minutes before and dissolved into relaying everything to Loki. Not that he was asking for help. Sam was sure Loki would ask for something outrageous if Sam asked for help, "I just wish he wouldn't put on the stupid mask and tell me he's fine with it." Sam huffed and Loki knitted his fingers together, laying belly down and his chin rested on his hands.

"Did you ever hear the tale of how Thor got his hammer?" Loki asked and Sam rolled his head to the side to stare at him. He'd only heard a hand full of Norse tales, like Loki cutting Sif's hair and Odin sacrificing his eye for vast knowledge to a well.

"No, why?" Sam stretched his arms up slowly. He was slowly feeling more relaxed there, and every time he seemed to stay longer. He thought less about being back to the motel before Dean. 

"Because, it's an amazing story and I think you'd enjoy it." Loki pushed himself up and Sam turned onto his side and tugged a pillow under his arm for support, "About, oh, 8 or 9 thousand years ago, I had this bet with a hot-headed dwarf, named Brock, who said that his brother could make better treasures than the treasures that I procured from some other dwarfs." Sam gave Loki a look at the word procured and Loki waved off his hand, as though that was a story for another time. Max came clacking up with his nails on the tile and he hopped up on the bed. Max also got comfortable, flopping down on his side to listen to Loki talk. Sam absently started to rub his ears and Max huffed, as though he was giving Sam the privilege to pet him, "Now, dwarfs are superior to gods in only one way, and in that way is that they can create items that would astound anyone." Loki put his fingers together and drew them apart, a ghostly illusion of a large ship appeared in the air and Sam felt Max's tail start to wag against his abs. Sam smiled. It looked like Max enjoyed the show; and really, Sam did too. "My gifts to my co-gods was a ship that could be sailed on the most vicious seas, but it could also be folded up and put into a man's pocket." As Loki spoke, the ship seemed to fold like paper, making a neat package. It faded out, following Loki's verbal tale, "And my second gift was a spear that hit what ever the thrower aimed for.

"Now, Brock's brother, Sindri, set about to make gifts greater than mine and they would be judged by the gods. Who ever won would have the loser's head. And I was intent on not losing mine. So I spied on them. In the caves, far below the open air of Asgard. Sindri had Brock fan the flames so that they were neither too high or too low for his projects. He needed the fire perfect to work the materials and magic. What I sent to distract Brock was a great wasp to sting him as he fanned the fire. And let me tell you, being stung by one of those suckers is like getting hit by white hot iron. The wasp stung him in the hands first, as the fist project was under way, but Brock was so intent on winning, he worked through the pain until the gift was done. The first gift was a flying, golden boar that glowed when it was in the air. It was dubbed, Golden Bristle.

"Sindri was pleased with the gift, but he said it would not be the only thing he would create. He could do better. So, he had Brock fan the fire again, for longer and the dwarf's hands burned, as though acid was in his veins. But Brock continued without a complaint. The wasp then stung him in the back, and he nearly crumpled, but he didn't stop; neither letting the flames die low or rise too high. He was very stubborn and would not stop until the next gift was complete. The next gift was a golden arm ring that would multiply itself eight times every ninth night. It was given a name, Draupnir, the Ring of Increase. It would make any god rich in time. 

"Brock was very pleased with the gifts, but Sindri was not yet satisfied that they would be better than my boat or my spear. So there was one more gift to be made and again, Brock had to keep the fire steady as the brother worked. So the wasp stung him twice in the knees before landing on Brock's fat nose and stung him between the eyes. And it blinded him. Therefore, he could not make sure the fire was perfect. The fire died too low just for a second and Sindri presented the almost perfect piece, Mjolnir, a hammer of great power that only those with the strength of Thor could wield. But the hammer was anything but perfect since the fire had died too low and the handle did not balance out the head of the hammer.

"The gifts would have to do though. Brock could barely walk, he was nearly blind and he could barely hold his own hands up. But the brothers went to the palace to present their gifts to the gods. The flying boar, Golden Bristle, went to Frey and she was delighted with the creature that flew about and glowed like a firefly. Golden Bristle was not all together greater than my gifts though. Draupnir was then presented to Odin and he adored the ring and its wonders. But both together was not greater than my gifts. They were decorative, not exceptionally useful for the whole of Asgard. But then they presented Mjolnir to Thor and let me tell you, you will never see a god more wrapped up in a weapon than that man. I'm telling you, if Mjolnir had a hole, Thor wouldn't even have a wife..."

"Loki." Sam raised his brows and the images started fading from the space between his hands. Loki smiled and shrugged.

"I'm just saying. Anyway, the gifts together, the golden boar, the golden ring, and Mjolnir were all decreed as greater than my gifts and Brock was allowed to take my head. And in those days, it was, believe it or not, frowned upon to murder in Asgard." Sam gave Loki a questionable look, "I know, seems unbelievable, but it's all about politics and stuff. Brock was eager to take my head and he nearly did, but instead, he decided that my lips should be sewn together as punishment for boasting. So, as a result, I had my lips sewn together for a few months and Thor got his hammer. The ungrateful asshole." Sam laughed and as Loki's story concluded with the image of Loki with his lips sewn together with silver thread evaporated from view.

"So you lost." Sam smiled, feeling a sense of pride towards Brock that chose the right punishment for Loki, "He won and came out the better man for it." Loki shrugs.

"Yes, he won." Loki folded his hands together, forearms on his knees. Loki's eyes were focused on Sam, leaning close, "But at what cost did he win? The wasp's poison was in his system far too long to be completely cured. He could barely walk, work, or see for the rest of his life." Sam wet his lips, thinking.

"But out of it, out of his sacrifice, there was Thor's hammer. And Thor used it to help people, didn't he?" Sam reasoned, "So, I think it was worth the pain." Loki gave a small suffering sigh, as though Sam was missing the point, but if he had a retort, it was distracted by a snore from Max. Sam smiled, gently rubbing Max's head.

"Look who's all cozy now." Loki leaned his head up on his knuckles and poked Max's paw, which twitched and the dog rolled over into Sam's warm chest, ears falling open and looking absolutely the picture perfect definition of a lazy dog. Loki shook his head, rubbing Max's belly, "He's such a bed hog. Look at him; mooching."

"He's spoiled." Sam pet Max's neck and chest.

"You're the one that brought him chicken."

"He loves chicken." Sam had only seen Max do a back flip once and it was for chicken.

Loki only smiled wider and Sam grinned. Sam was struck with how easy this was becoming. The apartment was becoming a place that was familiar and Sam knew where to put his things down when he came in. The talks were getting longer and more personal. Loki was telling him about his life and Sam was letting his own life slip into Loki's knowledge. It was getting dangerous.

Loki was a trickster, Sam reminded himself and cleared his throat, "It's late." Sam enjoyed Max being comfortable enough to sleep next to him, but that was proof enough that he'd stayed way too long for a formal visit.

"Yep." Loki agreed and Sam slowly rolled out of bed, propping Max up with the pillow he'd been using before he got dressed. He still hoped he made it home before Dean.


	10. Happy Belated Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (After 3.08 A Very Supernatural Christmas)

"Happy New Year!" Loki greeted Sam as he walked in with Max's usual doggy bag. Max trotted over with a party hat strapped to his head and a blow toy in his mouth. Max immediately sat on his haunches and kicked out his fore feet for his usual treat, which was expected of Sam now. Sam smiled a little as Loki offered him a tall champagne glass of yellow liquid and he took it, setting Max's food on the counter in the kitchenette. Loki had a ridiculous paper and glitter hat that welcomed in the year 2008 on his head and lifted his glass to Sam.

"Happy New Year." Sam greeted, feeling a little tight in his gut with the time that was passing so quickly, "You know what was 3 days ago."

"So?" Loki raised his brow, "We're allowed to celebrate for up to a week of the New Year." He sipped from his own glass, "And for the fact that I didn't have to go to the stupid bridge game with the Carrigans for their annoying 'We got more sacrifices than you this year' boasting." Sam paused.

"The... Carrigan's were friends of yours?" Sam asked cautiously. Loki eyed him lightly.

"Did you kill them?" Loki asked and Sam shrugged, tasting the drink and finding it much sweeter than he initially thought it would be.

"To be fair, they were going to kill us first." Sam omitted the part where he and Dean snuck into their house to stake them if they were the pagan gods killing people. 

Loki shrugged a bit, "Nah... not too upset. They were kind of those neighbors that would send gremlin elves to your place if you didn't go to their games. They trash everything." Loki shrugged but he did look down at his glass, "Got to hand it to them though, they assimilated better than others." Sam shrugged and finally opened Max's doggy bag and gave him the skinned meat from KFC in a dish.

"So, what's this stuff?" Sam changed the subject, lifting his glass as Max scarfed down his food. 

"Mead." Loki smiled and snapped his fingers, the bottle appearing on the table where Loki sat on the stool, "Honey wine."

"Of course." Sam leaned against the table, finishing the glass. It was good, better once he got past the initial surprise of sweetness, "So, what do you pagans do for the holidays?"

"laugh at you all for being copycats." Loki replied easily and waved his hand, another stool appearing. Sam sat on it and set his glass on the table. "I just had lots of sex."

Sam paused, frowning. He hadn't seen Loki in nearly two weeks and it felt like a jab when Loki said it. Sam hadn't been sleeping with anyone else... then again, why did he expect Loki to do the same? They'd agreed that they weren't tied down to one another. That was one of the perks after all. Logically, he had no reason to feel acid in his belly over it. But he still felt it.

"Oh don't give me a sour look." Loki lifted the bottle of mead to refill their glasses, "I would have invited you too but you said not to call you."

"It's fine." Sam said quickly, taking a mouthful of his refilled glass. What they had was sex, that was all. "I was busy."

"Yeah, I know." Loki shrugged and smiled a little, "But now that you're here, I can give you your Christmas present." Sam stared at Loki, confused.

"What?" Sam was sure that Loki had some sort of hidden joke because he just had that smile that said so. Then Sam felt a hand on his shoulder from behind. Sam turned quickly and found... Loki. Sam looked back to the Loki drinking mead, then to the Loki who shared a similar smile and was wearing nothing. Two Lokis. "Loki, what..." It clicked in his head and his skin burned with the thought, "Oh..."

"You're quick." The Loki behind Sam teased and leaned an arm over Sam's shoulder, nipping Sam's red tinged ear. The first Loki stood up and took Sam's glass from his hand, setting it on the table before he leaned on Sam's knees, leaning in face to face close with Sam.

"We're going to have lots of fun." Loki waggled his eyebrows and kisses Sam deeply.

-

"You look exhausted." Loki commented and Sam just laughed tiredly, arm over his eyes. He thought he was still riding the waves of bliss and his one leg curled up, body still tingling. Loki was just grinning, Sam could hear it in his voice, "You're wild, I hope you know. You just don't know when to stop."

"Had to try that at least once." Sam said hoarsely, feeling stretched and sore in his jaw and ass. Sam let out a lingering moan and finally rolled onto his side. He used his arm as a pillow as he looked at Loki; just the one now. "Probably the best Christmas present I ever gotten. Even if it's over a week late." Loki smiled, laying on his back. He was always recovered long before Sam did.

"You lie." Loki accused playfully.

"No, way better than gas station presents." Sam rolled closer, going so far as to slide his arm over Loki's torso to rest his head on Loki's chest for a bit. There was a streak of playfulness that Sam happily blamed on the mead from earlier; even if had only been a few mouthfuls. Loki ran his fingers through Sam's sweat slicked hair and Sam went quiet, feeling a strong heart beat through Loki's chest. Loki may have looked completely relaxed but his heart still sounded like it was working on getting back to its normal pace. Whatever that was for a god, "I didn't get you anything."

"I didn't really expect you to." Loki shrugged, eyes fixated on Sam.

"I mean I got Max a gift, but I always bring him food. But you, and THAT." Sam grinned, "That was so good." Loki laughed and sat up a bit.

"Me thinks you had enough mead." Loki said and Sam moved when Loki did. Sam lifted himself up and kissed Loki's lips. Loki paused, surprised for a second before his fingers curled in Sam's hair and softened his lips to it. It wasn't the normal lust driven lip contact they were used to. Sam was sedated with pleasure and the kiss was warm rather than hot. Slow and deep. Sam's arms encircled Loki's neck, swept up in the sensation and curling his fingers into Loki's damp hair. It was impulsive and intimate in a much simpler way. It felt comfortable. Loki curled his arms around Sam's waist, keeping him nice and warm.

And Sam wanted to stay.

Sam drew back when he thought that. Loki was smiling, in a half-dazed happy way that Sam wasn't used to, "I'll take that as a Christmas present." Sam swallowed and forced a shy smile.

"Merry Christmas." Sam pulled back from Loki, sitting up and he decided he should really clean up before going back.

"Leaving already?" Loki sat up, "I could take like, 5 or 6 more of those if you were giving them out."

"One present." Sam stood, a little wobbly, but still steady and he gathered his clothes, "I really can't stay late tonight."

Loki groaned, sitting up, "Mine counted as at least two, come on."

Sam cursed himself for wanting to give in for just the briefest of moments. To fall in bed and just stay in Loki's embrace. Sam felt duped. Loki charmed him or tricked him; he must have. Sam hated himself for falling for what ever it was.

"So... call me?" Loki asked curiously as Sam had hastily cleaned himself and redressed.

"I'll... I'll call you." Sam felt breathless and he closed the apartment door after him. He leaned against the door for a minute, feeling like his whole world had been flipped once and he was still dealing with the lurch it caused.

Loki was a trickster. He slowly reminded himself that as he regained his balance and half jogged his way back to the motel. Loki was dangerous. Loki was a monster. The only reason Loki wasn't hurting people was because they had the deal going. But, how could Sam trust that Loki wasn't doing it anyway? Sam had no right to feel comfortable in Loki's arms. He had not right to want to stay. Sam should not have felt fine going in unarmed anymore. Loki's place was not supposed to feel like a second home. He'd even drank some alcohol that he'd had no clue about without a hint of suspicion.

Dean looked up from cleaning his gun on his bed when Sam barged in the door and Sam froze, a deer caught in the head lights. Dean's eyes rose high, "Nice sex hair, Sammy." Sam's hand darted up, immediately brushing it down, though after he looked in a mirror on the wall, he found his effort fruitless. A wide smirk planted itself on Dean's face as he looked down the length of his barrel, "Jesus, you're allowed to go get laid Sam. Might loosen you up a bit." Sam definitely felt his world crumbling then. Dean wasn't allowed to ever find out; ever.

"Bite me." Sam slipped into the bathroom and shut the door rather hard.

"What? She not tip you or something?" Dean chuckled at his own clever joke.

"Jerk." Sam muttered, looking at the damage of Loki's love bites on his skin.

Sam buried his hands in his hair. He then buried his face in his arms on the counter. He was out of control, Sam decided. Sam had lost himself in sex with a trickster and he didn't know which way was up any more. He was so deep in gray that black and white weren't even visible anymore. He let himself get too attached with the enemy. In mythology, Loki could charm just about anyone with lies and stories and now Loki was doing it to Sam. That was the only explanation. 

Sam took a deep breath, collecting himself. He had to remember that what they had was just sex. And it should be kept as sex. He stood up, letting out the breath. He could do it. It could just be sex. Playful banter and cute dogs weren't going to draw him anymore. He would lay off for a while, throw himself into the next few cases. Sam nodded to himself in the mirror, but he felt almost nauseous from the decision.


	11. Role Playing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (After 3.10, Dream a Little Dream of Me) I am clearly an asshole because of this chapter. My beta sister said so.

Sam fiddled with his phone, taking deep breaths as he paced around his motel room. He felt pathetic. It'd barely been a week since he saw Loki. Sam and Dean had just stopped a dream jumper and he was plagued with the heated images of Bela shedding her trench coat and revealing a skimpy outfit. He was so relieved that it wasn't a dream about Loki that time. He felt at least somewhat sane about it and clung to the last shreds of heterosexuality he had. He DID still like women. Apparently dangerous, back stabbing women; but hey, she was female and (biologically speaking) human. 

But Sam was not willing to give Bela ammunition against him just to get off. Pursuing her was a silent 'NO' between Sam and Dean. She'd already almost gotten them killed so many times. She'd stolen the colt, sent an insane vampiric Gordon Walker on their heels, SHOT Sam and countless other insults that ground road salt into the wounds. Off limits. 

It still left Sam uncomfortably frustrated and he tentatively called up Loki for an address. He wanted to get more control over the situation.

On his way to the address, Sam caved and bought Max a real raw hide bone that he picked up from a corner store. Max went ballistic and Sam smiled, watching Max trot around with it in his mouth as though he'd hunted it and killed it himself. Max also let Sam scratch his ears every time he made a lap around the living room. Loki laughed softly at the small dog's excitement.

"You know, I could get him anything he wants but he still loves your treats." Loki waited for Max to settle behind the couch as actually start gnawing on the bone before he turned his attention to Sam. Sam hadn't taken off his jacket immediately, even though he normally just laid it over Loki's arm chair. Loki sauntered over to Sam, "My, you're back fast."

"Yeah, well... a lot of things happened." Sam felt he should do something with his hands so he shoved them in his pocket.

"You sort of ran off so fast I was sure it was going to be another month." Loki grinned wryly, "Can't say I'm disappointed to be wrong."

"I... was hoping we could do something... different." Sam said reluctantly. Loki's brows rose in interest. 

"Oh? Sam's been thinking dirty thoughts?" Loki's arm encircled Sam's waist and he led him to the bedroom, "Something creative? Something like a bit of bondage? or toys? Role playing?" Loki's smile was just so wide and Sam's face burned because he hadn't thought of those possibilities, but now Loki was just putting thoughts into his head. Ones he liked.

"I guess... you could call it role playing." Sam awkwardly sat on the bed and Loki stood between his legs, his thumb tracing down Sam's jaw and neck. Sam swallowed, thinking maybe he should ditch this idea and go home because he felt the same as he always did when Loki touched him. 

"Mm? And what are we playing, huh? Doctor and nurse? Teacher/student? Delivery man and customer?" Loki was clearly having way too much fun and was rattling off ideas way too easy to be normal. Sam took a deep breath.

"Well you can shape-shift." Sam stated and received a pure 'duh, trickster' look for Sam's effort. Sam knitted his fingers together and looked down a moment, "There's this... girl I would like to... you know, sleep with and I was wondering if you could turn into her." Sam looked back up at Loki, only to find all the excitement slowly drain into a confused frown.

"You want me to turn into someone else you know." Loki asked slowly and Sam's face reddened because it sounded really bad when Loki said it, "Why not just go sleep with her?"

"Well, she's sort of..." Sam made some helpless hand gestures, "She's pretty much pure evil, and I know you can shape-shift so I thought..." Sam intentionally trailed off, hoping Loki could stop giving him that look like he wasn't making sense. Loki took a step back, rubbing his chin, looking conflicted.

"That's what you want?" Loki finally spoke, no longer having any excitement in his voice.

"Yes." Sam nodded, shoulders relaxing. Sleeping with a Bela-double would be much easier than Loki. Bela was a face he didn't mind walking away from after they were done. Loki let out a slow breath.

"Picture her the way you like." Loki ordered and Loki rested a hand on his head. Sam thought back to the dream; of Bela walking in, wanting him, in her coat and lingerie. Loki snapped his fingers and Sam looked up, finding Loki was still here. Sam was confused, at least until he saw Bela, in her coat, standing at the end of the bed.

Loki stepped back, looking her over with the look of a strict critic, "Well, at least you've got good taste." Bela seated herself next to Sam on the bed and Sam looked up at Loki.

"You're not..." Sam was perhaps hoping Loki would BE her. Maybe throw in some teasing while in Bela's body. He didn't want Loki to just watch what he wanted to do with Bela or for a threesome. That wasn't what he wanted.

"She's like my dancing girls." Loki shrugged, and a frown looked so out of place on Loki's face, "Just tell her to leave when you're done and she'll disappear." Loki took a breath and became only slightly more upbeat, "Bonus, you'll only be 5 doors down from your motel room." His fingers snapped again and Loki's room was swallowed up and what appeared was a motel room much like the one he and Dean had rented. Sam stood, looking around, ignoring Bela and going to the door. He opened it and found he really was in the same motel complex; same parking lot. He closed the door and pressed his back against it, feeling dazed. This wasn't what he'd hoped for at all. It felt all wrong.

Bela stood from the bed, just as beautiful and elegant as he ever saw her and she untied her coat, "You know, Sam." Sam groaned in despair, she even had the same British accent as she walked towards him, "I'm still here for you." The coat parted and yeah, the smallest detail was perfect.

"I..." He looked at her and shook his head, "No." It all felt wrong, "I'm sorry..." She walked up to him, looking him in the eye, breasts displayed all for him.

"I'm here for you, Sam." She told him. He looked at her, with her confident leer and perfectly beautiful body. It was so unfair. He felt nothing. He didn't want her. Yes, sexually appealing but there wasn't anything. There was no affection or any positive emotions towards her. Dean would call him a girl for it, but he couldn't do it if he didn't like her.

"Just leave." Sam said, "Leave." And like smoke, she dissipated. 

Sam slid down the door and buried his face in his hands. He sat still for a good few minutes, mulling over what just happened. He wasn't sure what solution he'd been hoping for, but he hadn't intended for it to go like that. He wasn't even sure what he'd been asking. The sad part was that he got what he thought he wanted, but he didn't like it.

Sam took out his cell and dialed Loki's number. It rang once. Twice. Five times before Loki picked up.

"Having fun?" Loki asked and Sam let out a breath he had been holding.

"Not really..." Sam stood up slowly, "I... I didn't want that."

"You asked for it." Loki said with a twinge of bitterness, "I gave you exactly what you asked for."

"I didn't want her, I... I wanted you." Sam muttered and paced up and down the length of the room.

"If this is about you topping there's a better way of asking." Sam could almost hear the roll of Loki's eyes

"It's... It's not about that." Sam shrugged his shoulders uncomfortably, "I... it was a dream I had, and I didn't think you'd mind."

"I mind." Loki told him sharply, "I don't shift myself into some macho muscle head to get laid, Sam. This is my body. This is me. If you don't want to sleep with me, sleep with someone else. I'm not going to turn into someone else so that you can pretend it's not me." Sam's mouth went dry and he swallowed. Yeah, that's what he'd been hoping for. It just didn't work out well. "That's it, isn't it?"

"I'm sorry." Sam said, "I'm... really stressed out right now. I'm not sure what I want." Loki was quiet and Sam bit his thumb nail, worried that he really messed up and that Loki would just write him off.

Finally, Loki spoke, "If you come over, we can try it again. But I assure you, we're doing it MY way this time. And you can be sure that I'll have you screaming my name by the end of the night." Sam felt a hot shutter slide down his spine at the promise. Should he just go and lose himself again? He wanted to. But he knew he shouldn't. Sam opened his mouth to say his answer but there was a beep and all he heard was dial tone. 

Sam closed his phone and held his head for a moment. But eventually he left the motel room, walking to his and Dean's motel room which was only a few steps away.

Fifteen minutes later, Sam knocked on Loki's door and Loki opened it himself, eying Sam. Sam gave an awkward smile as a greeting and held out a half melted chocolate bar; which he'd stolen from Dean's bag. Loki glanced at the candy and took it, opening the door wider in response. Sam stepped in and took off his jacket, laying it over Loki's chair. Loki closed the door and opened the wrapper, taking a bite and Sam stood awkwardly. Max greeted him happily enough, tail wagging and panting up at Sam. Sam smiled and bent down to scratch his ears.

Loki seemed pleased with the apology candy and wrapped it up, putting it in a drawer for later. Sam stood and Loki took his hand, leading him back into the bedroom, a warmer smile on his face and Sam felt his chest tighten at that smile.

"Time to make good on my promise." Loki said and the door closed after them on its own.

-

Sam scrunched his eyes together, being blinded with the sunlight coming from the open window across the room. He sighed, pressing more into his pillow, but his pillow was warm and had a heartbeat. Sam tilted his head away from the sun, finding he was laying on Loki and Loki was on his back, reading a paperback book. Loki gave him a smile which nearly made the trickster look angelic in the sunlight.

"Morning, sunshine." Loki said and Sam groaned.

"Shit. Shit." Sam muttered, "I was out all night..."

"You were damn tired." Loki then pointed downward, "and then THAT happened and I just couldn't wake you." Sam looked down and found Max was curled up between their legs, snoring softly through his jowls. 

"Oh my god..." Sam groaned into Loki's chest.

Loki grinned, "Cute, right?"

"Fucking adorable." Sam muttered, a smile on his face. Sam slowly forced himself up, knowing Dean would be wondering where he was. Half of Max's warmth pulled away and he rumbled and lifted his head sleepily, "Dean's going to be freaking out if he's looking for me."

"Mm, better skedaddle on back then." Loki said and gestured for Sam to come closer. Sam paused, but then he leaned over. Loki took his chin in hand and pulled him into another warm kiss. Sam kissed back lazily, feeling warmth spread out in his veins. He wanted to say fuck it and crawl back into bed but he didn't have any excuse to give his brother that would make it okay.

"I've got to go." Sam muttered and gave Loki one more soft kiss before drawing away.

"I know." Loki smiled and Sam first checked his phone, groaning when he found at least 2 messages from Dean on his cell. Sam dressed as he listened to messages. He gave Max a goodbye pat and then a Loki a goodbye smile before he left and finally called Dean back, "No Dean, I'm not dead..."


	12. Unacceptable Truth

The year was closing in on Sam. 3 months left of Dean's deal and Ruby had been no help in solving the problem. Dean still had a one way ticket to the brimstone pit and Sam could feel the pressure. And Dean WANTED to live. Dean finally realized it, weeks ago even. Sam had been looking since he first knew about the deal, but all of his effort had been fruitless thus far. They didn't know the demon that held Dean's contract and they didn't know how to find out. They didn't have the colt and Sam was running out of options.

"What's with you coming here when you're all mopy?" Loki asked, sitting in his arm chair, facing the doorway and reading a Weird News gossip tabloid. Loki folded it neatly and Max was already sniffing around Sam's feet as he came in the door, bouncing on his hind legs for attention. Sam gave Max an obligatory scratch behind his ears and tossed him a new bone to keep him occupied. Loki was smiling at the interaction, fingers interlocked, "Are we going to have to have another dance? That tango invitation is still open. Just you and me." Max took his bone off to gnaw on it and Sam stood straight.

"No. No." Sam huffed, rolling his eyes. Why was this so hard to ask for Loki's help? Ruby was helping them, and she was a demon. They'd let vampires go that weren't eating people. But at the same time, Loki seemed to be on another level. After all, how many beings could manifest anything they wanted out of thin air? Sometimes it scared Sam to think too hard on how powerful the trickster was.

"Want something to drink?" Loki offered and he stood up, tossing the paper aside, "You," he pointed to Sam, "look like you could use a cream soda."

"No, I'm good. Thanks." Sam took a deep breath, "I wanted to ask you something."

"By all means." Loki stretched his arms up and Sam took a deep breath, sorting his words.

"Dean... sold his soul, for me." Sam said and Loki's eyes rolled towards Sam, acknowledging Sam's words.

"Yeah, I know. You've told me." Loki meandered towards the refrigerator. If anything else, Sam had noticed that Loki rarely materialized food in the open. He always had something in the cooler. Sam couldn't tell if Loki just liked normal food or he'd just been playing human for too long to drop the habit around Sam.

Sam watched Loki flick off the top of the soda bottle with his thumb and closed the refrigerator door with his foot, "He only got a year, and it's almost up."

Loki sucked in air though his teeth before sipping his drink, "Not much of a barter, is he?" Sam ignored the quip.

"I wanted to know if you could help. To get Dean's soul back." Sam locked his eyes with Loki's. Loki lifted the bottle, draining part of it's contents, then lowered it. Sam knew Loki was powerful and he knew that Loki was not as air headed as he played. He wasn't as aloof as he acted and sometimes Loki tried to play simple, but he was one of the most complex people Sam had ever met. They'd been sleeping together for nearly a year. They'd grown close; too close. It had to mean something.

Loki looked Sam over, as though debating something with his ancient knowledge, "Your brother sold his soul. It was his choice to do it. And hey, I'm not complaining. You're alive." Sam frowned.

"Isn't there some sort of deity magic? You can change reality with just your mind. You're powerful. You could do anything." Loki smiled.

"Aw, you sweet talker you." Loki lifted his chin, waving his bottle airily in Sam's direction, "Tell me more." Loki's ego was enormous, Sam complained loudly in his mind. But then... Sam thought maybe he could play off of that. He walked over to Loki, slowly.

"Well, you did abduct a frat boy with an alien." Sam said, knowing that Loki was all too proud of it and he watched Loki reminisce with small nods, sliding a hand into his jeans pocket, "You rescued Max from dying." Sam rubbed his hand along Loki's shoulders and neck. Loki eyed him curiously and Sam slid behind him and wrapped his arms around his neck like he often saw his imaginary girls do; fawning all over him. "You got Thor his Hammer and can outwit anyone you like with your silver tongue."

"You have some nice words too there, minx." Loki glanced over his shoulder at Sam and Sam could see Loki was still cautious; suspicious even.

Sam ran his hand down Loki's bicep, "You're the strongest man I know." Sam breathed against Loki's ear and ran his hand down his soft cotton shirt, "And indescribable in bed." Sam caught Loki's smirk.

"True. All true." Loki slowly relaxed. Loki's hand rubbed down Sam's arm and his drink disappeared from his hand.

"When I feel your hands on me, you just take me over, and it feels out of this world." It was all truth, in the simplest form of flattery. Sam wanted to pump Loki up so much that he'd consider helping just to prove it, "No one makes me lose control like you do."

Loki chuckled deep in his throat, catching eyes with Sam, "Sa-minx. Are you trying to seduce me?" Sam smiled, throwing a bit of a playful nip to Loki's ear lobe, feeling an instantaneous reaction of Loki shiver.

"Maybe. Is it working?" Sam breathed in Loki's ear and Sam caught the biggest grin on Loki's face.

"Yes, yes, very much." Loki stroked Sam's jaw with his knuckles and snapped his fingers, his bedroom appearing around them. Sam kissed Loki's neck, pulling the trickster's jacket down off his arms. Loki turned, sly smile on his face as he pulled Sam into a belly-flipping kiss and Sam moaned into it.

Sam's butt and legs hit the bed moments later, both their lips kissing each other hungrily. Sam's fingers dug into Loki's hair. Shirts had come off easily and Loki ground their hips together, denim grinding against denim. Sam's breathed raggedly as he broke away from the kiss. He locked his eyes with Loki, "You can do anything to me, can't you?" Loki considered this for a moment and Sam ran his hand down the deity's chest to keep his attention focused on him.

"Sky's the limit." Loki boasted quietly, squeezing Sam's hips and started kissing Sam's neck. Sam pressed his cheek into Loki's Jaw, breathing into his ear.

"I mean, anything." Sam's tongue wet his lips, thighs gripping Loki's waist tight. "You could tie me up. Drive me wild. Make me beg." Loki's eyes were lit up with excitement and Sam gripped Loki's jeans, pushing down the zipper. 

"That's not even scraping the first layer off the ice burg." Loki murmured, devious smile on his face, pulling Sam's pants down his hips. Sam swallowed. Endless possibilities, weren't there? Loki wasn't chained down by the rules of reality.

"Whip me. Chain me. You... you could probably change me into one of your party girls." Those meaningless, mindless, instant-humans that Sam was staring to despise. Loki raised a curious brow but he didn't deny that he had the power, "You could take me anywhere, any time. You... you could break me and put me back together just to break me again." Loki's hands stopped and he stared at Sam and Sam's heart was racing. Sam's own words were scaring him but it was possible, wasn't it? Loki could really do anything with him, and it scared him; but it also gave him a dangerous thrill, "You could have me." Loki's brow narrowed, confusion set in. Sam wasn't sure... if he'd just offered himself to Loki or if it was just announcing the possibility. But even then, what would that possibility be? He would though. He would give himself up, just so Dean could be saved. His freedom. His life. What ever it took to save his brother, “Just save Dean from his deal, and I'm yours.” Sam held his breath, staring steadily at Loki. Loki looked Sam up and down, as if considering the deal. Sam waited, praying that Loki would do it. Demons weren't helping, so why not ask a god.

Loki took Sam's jaw in his hands, looking Sam in the eyes. He didn't look as mighty as he did when he was being an egotistical bastard moments ago. He looked... sympathetic, "Dean made his choice, Sam. He gave up his soul for you. You can't go back on a demon deal." Sam's brows scrunched up. He was waiting for a 'but'. He was waiting for a condition that Loki could help him with. Loki shook his head, combing his fingers through Sam's hair, brushing it behind Sam's ear, "As tempting as the offer is; Dean is going to die."

All the heat drained from Sam's skin and he shoved against Loki's chest, anger swelling in him, "No, he's not. He's not going to die." Sam pushed himself out from under Loki and anger filling his senses.

"Sam." Loki sounded like he was trying to be reasonable.

"Dean WANTS so live. He finally wants to live and I have to help him." Sam got up, breathing sharp, "I'd do anything."

"Sam, I want to help." Loki sat up, "I do, I can't change this..."

"Can't or won't?" Sam snapped and Loki frowned at the accusation, "There is a way. I KNOW you can help, but you just WON'T. What's stopping you?" Loki stayed silent, unanswering. Sam yanked his pants up, fighting with the zipper because he was vibrating with anger, "That's right, nothing." Sam snatched up his shirts, pulling them over his head. Loki knelt on the bed, watching Sam move about.

"He's going to die, Sam." Loki said, as though it was a fact. As though it was an unmovable pinnacle of the universe, "Dean is going to die."

"No, he's not!" Sam snapped, feeling let down most of all. He felt betrayed because Loki wouldn't help him. Sam strode towards the door and Loki looked confused.

“Sam, calm down. Let's talk this over.” Loki waved for Sam to come back but Sam opened the door.

"Dean is not going to Hell! Not while I'm around." Sam slammed the door shut after him, breathing heavily. He nearly ran all the way back to his motel room. Sam's seething eased on his way back and his hands slid into his hair. What was he going to DO? Loki was his last option? Sam gripped his hair and stopped running, looking up at the sky. “There's got to be a way.” He murmured. “There's got to be...” He took a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down. Loki didn't know everything. There was a way to save Dean, and Sam told himself he would find it. He would find a way to save his brother.


	13. Let's Watch a Western

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Before, 'No Rest for the Wicked' 3.16)

Over 100 Tuesdays was too much for Sam. 

Sam sat on the bed of the next 3 motel rooms, filled with the absence of Heat of the Moment and Pig 'n a Poke. Absent of Dean's multiple deaths and for several weeks afterwards, Sam flinched on Every mention of Tuesday. And Sam was absolutely done with Loki the Trickster.

Sam couldn't believe... Maybe he'd thought Loki really was human for a time. Sam already knew he'd gotten far too attached to Loki in bed and he should have never let down his guard. He should have stopped it at the beginning. He should have staked Loki when he first knew the trickster was alive. He should have never let himself get taken in. Sam felt numb and he threw himself into the last few hunts and then into research. Maybe it was the last few months of Loki's lingering world that left him feeling bitter and empty. He'd never felt so... fixated before in that world. He'd been alone. There was no Dean. No Loki. Sam withdrew into himself. Listening to Bobby felt listless and unimportant. All that mattered was the hunt. All that mattered was finding Loki and getting Dean back. Because Loki had killed Dean, and that meant that Loki could bring him back. And Sam had been right. Loki did have the power to break him and bring him back; only he felt more broken than ever now.

And Sam almost believed Loki when he told him to let Dean go. Almost. Sam still thought back to those haunting moments, the times Loki looked him in the eye and told him it was a lesson. That the obsession was going to hurt him; kill him. And Sam wanted to call Loki a huge hypocrite for it. Because he'd been the one to kill Dean so many times and it nearly drove Sam crazy with grief. He couldn't just give up on Dean. He just couldn't. Dean was his life line. Dean was sanity in this crazy world.

The last three months had been eaten up next to Dean's side and Sam was looking down at the beginning of May in the morning. It really was going to happen. Dean was out of time. Sam was going to either save Dean or lose him. And losing Dean was not an option. 

“Hey.” Dean sat on the bed across from Sam and Sam lifted his head from his hands. His fingers were gripping his phone tightly. Sam didn't answer verbally, he just looked up at Dean, feeling his voice was too gummed up to speak properly, “God, don't give me that look.” Dean gave him an amused smile, as though he wasn't swallowed up with the fact that he was going to die if they didn't find and kill Lilith. 

“What look?” Sam managed without falling apart.

“That watery eyed dog look.” Dean told him. 

“Dean, you're going to... in a couple days...” Sam took a deep breath, feeling drained.

“Yeah, I know.” Dean sat up, sighing. If nothing else, Sam knew what Dean's brave face was, and it was a good brave face. It was, “Judgment day, right? We get Lilith or she gets us. We're going all out.” Sam swallowed and nodded. Dean nodded as well, the morbid black cloud hanging over them. Sam took a deep breath, pressing his phone to his lips. He tried to focus himself on saving Dean.

He wanted to call Loki, as mad as it was. As mad as Sam was at Loki. That was how bad it was. As pissed off as Sam felt and as unjust as Loki was being, Sam wanted to talk to him. See him. Touch him. He wanted to beg Loki to save Dean, just one more time. Just once more. 

“So,” Dean rose his brows, “Last nights on earth.” Sam looked up at Dean again, briefly wondering if Dean was going to suggest he go paint the town red, “What should be the last movie I watch?”

“It's not going to be your last movie.” Sam said immediately.

“Hypothetically speaking.” Dean said and Dean stood up, opening their cooler and getting out a couple bottles of beer, “I'm thinking a western.” Sam smiled, just a bit.

“Your obsession.” Sam sat up a bit.

“I'm not obsessed, shut up.” Dean popped the beer tops off and handed one to Sam. Sam took a few drawls from it gratefully and slid his phone back into his pocket. 

Dean was his anchor, Sam told himself. He never lost himself around Dean. He knew how to act around Dean. He knew how to speak. Everything was clear. It never was with Loki. Sam smiled sadly as Dean flipped through the TV, talking about all the crap they put between the good movies. There was nothing simple about Loki. Especially when Sam felt a little empty sitting there without him.


	14. Not Giving Up Yet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (The rest of this fic assumes that Sam never told Dean the whole truth about his summer with Ruby. Because we only see what Sam told Dean and not what really happened)

Loki knew when Dean died, it was all over angel radio. The angels buzzed about it, calling out that the Righteous man had fallen. Loki stood still for a moment and breathed. All according to Michael's plan. Loki knew it was going to happen. Well, Gabriel knew it was going to happen. But Loki hadn't been Gabriel for a very, very long time.

Loki bid his time, keeping an eye on Sam Winchester; who hadn't called him in months. But that was okay, Loki wasn't looking to be forgiven. Not after hardening Sam to his Brother's death. Or trying to harden Sam to it. Because that part was inevitable. Dean chose to die in a year, but now it was Sam's turn to make some choices. And Loki wanted to make sure he would make some good ones. Knowing Heaven, They would bring Dean back. He just had to keep Sam stable until. 

Sam moved into an apartment and mourned, hiding himself away from the world. It was pretty unbearable, watching Sam fumble around, as if he was blind. Drinking and crying over Dean's death. And when he wasn't incapacitated with alcohol he was digging into archives of books, websites, ANYthing. To raise the dead; to bring someone back from Hell. Sam rarely put anything to his mouth that wasn't a bottle. Loki gave him a week before he knocked on the apartment door. Sam just didn't learn lessons, Loki shook his head. It was embarrassing.

Loki knocked again before he finally heard movement. It sounded like a cot squeak and a grunt. So Loki encouraged the movement with a shave-and-a-haircut knock. Finally there was boot shuffling and the door opened. Sam stood there, raggedy and worn. He looked like he'd been dragged through a rock pit and his whole body tensed when his eyes focused down at Loki. 

“Hey, Kiddo.” Loki gave an easy smile and next thing he knew, Sam was pulling out a sawed off shot gun from behind the door and Loki's shirt and jacket were spattered with rock salt and Loki blinked his eyes hard, having gotten some in the face as well, “Okay, ow, in the face?” Sam's face was red with rage and he dove for his bag on the table, which was full of ammunition. Loki rubbed the rock salt out of his eyes and saw Sam coming towards him with the blood soaked stake. Loki caught Sam's wrist and shoved Sam down onto the nearby cot. Sam struggled and kicked and screamed, but Loki held him down, not budging an inch.

“Damn it! I'm going to kill you!” Sam snapped, baring his teeth like some wild dog, “Get off of me!”

“I didn't come here to be staked, Sam.” Loki pressed his body to Sam's and looked to the door, which closed with his will and Sam was bucking and wiggling, trying his best with his human strength to move. Sam arched up, snarling in anger and Loki flicked the stake out of Sam's fingers with his thumb. Loki could smell the booze on him, and well, if Loki wasn't so powerful, Sam could very well be a threat. Even while intoxicated. 

The burst of energy drained out of Sam and he was left huffing and puffing, which was less erotic when Sam was pissed off and trying to kill him, “I hate you.” Sam nearly spat in Loki's face from his venom, “I hate you.” Loki smiled a bit, ignoring the jab. Well, what had he expected after killing Dean and pushing maybe a bit too far. Still hurt though. 

“Yeah, I know.” Loki looked down at him.

“I hate you!” Sam struggled again, but this time it was more weakened and Sam shut his eyes tight, squeezing out tears, “You killed Dean over and over again and you brought him back just as many and you couldn't do it the one time it mattered! I never want to see you again!” He lost his energy faster this time and opened his eyes, tears streaming down his face. Loki grimaced. Really, now that was intolerable. Loki released Sam's hand and brushed away one of the streaks of salt water. The only thing he got for his effort was a knife in his side and a stoney glare from Sam. Loki's surprise melted away and he sighed. He rested his hand over Sam's on the handle and he tugged it out, covered in blood. It was Sam's turn to looked surprised. 

“Not a demon, Sam.” Loki told him, “And Dean was going to die because you were brought back.“ Sam's eyes welled up, dropping the demon knife on the bed, both their hands smeared with blood.

“I didn't ask to be brought back.” Sam garbled, voice wet and shaky, “I didn't ask him to die for me. I didn't ask to watch him die...” Loki squeezed Sam's hand and Sam's eyes fixated on Loki, pleading for help. He looked lost and scared and it was absolutely pitiful. Loki didn't think Sam knew that he was always asking for help with those pools of sea water. 

“I know.” Loki properly brushed away more tears from the other side of Sam's face, “What can I say. People like to have you stick around.” Sam made a tight hiccuping noise, more tears dribbling down his face.

“Dean's dead.” Sam mumbled and Loki pet his hair.

“I'm sorry.” Loki cradled Sam's head with his arm and Sam pressed his face into Loki's neck, his long arms winding around Loki's chest and hugging him tight. Sobs into Loki's shirt made Sam tremble and Sam was still murmuring, 'I hate you's and 'just die and leave me alone's. Loki brushed them off. Sam was drunk and bitter. Loki pressed a kiss to Sam's head when Sam's murmurs died down and he just squeezed Loki, as though he was trying to make Loki stop breathing, “I'm not going anywhere, Kiddo. Relax.” This started a new wave of tears and sobbing. Loki sighed and pressed his fingers into Sam's hair and sending the man to sleep; he needed it. Sam went limp and Loki brushed his fingers through Sam's hair.

“Let's see if I can really piece Humpty-Dumpty back together again, huh?” Loki smiled fondly at the young Winchester, “Maybe you can't function on your own. That's fine. But you've got to trust me on this Sam. You have to let him go. Just for a bit.” Maybe Sam could make do with a trickster-dependent instead of a brother-dependent. Sam had already gotten so close to him, Loki didn't see why he couldn't help Sam though the worst of it. He was going to at least try.


	15. Hangovers and Apologies

Sam woke up with a pounding headache. He pressed his head into the pillow and groaned. Why was his window open? Oh, why did it smell like pancakes? Sam slowly turned his head where there was less light on his bed and opened his eyes.

“You get to keep the hangover for trying to kill me.” Loki's voice came from behind him and Sam turned to look quickly. His head spun and he hissed from being blinded by the sun. Sam's hand slipped off the bed and he nearly fell with it and Loki sighed, his fingers snapping. Sam heard the shades get yanked down and shadows swallowed the room. Sam blinked his eyes open, seeing Loki's outline at the small table and Loki was sitting in a wooden chair. Sam sat up, leaning his elbows heavily on his knees as he dipped his head down and gathered his senses.

Sam didn't want to deal with this. He thought he made it clear he never wanted to see Loki again. Loki made everything so complicated, “Go away.” Sam rubbed his hands over his sore eyes and through his hair, “Ugh, and take the pancakes with you.” He felt nauseous and starving at the same time.

“Nope, you're stuck with me, Kiddo.” Loki took a bite of strawberry syrup covered confection and Sam forced out a deep breath. 

“You here to rub it in?” Sam asked, lifting his eyes enough to look at Loki. The small clanks could be heard as the fork moved through the pancakes to the plate.

“No, I'm not.” Loki sounded serious for once, voice soft but firm. Sam's eyes narrowed at the trickster. 

“Do you know of any way to bring him back?” Sam was still going to ask anyone he could. He'd already killed a demon at the crossroad that wouldn't bring back dean, why not just put the question out there.

“I can not bring him back.” Loki stuck the mouth full of pancakes in his mouth, chewing slowly.

“I hate you.” Sam said into the echoing quiet in the room. Maybe the more he said it, the more he would feel it was real. He wanted to hate Loki. For all Loki had done. For making him curious about his sexuality. For seducing him. For lying about being Lee; a normal human being. For killing Dean. For making him feel so deeply about someone like he had Jess.

A small, bitter smirk creased on Loki's lips and he nodded, “That's fine.”

The argument was slow and Sam covered his eyes. He didn't want to be here with Loki eating pancakes. He didn't want to be there in the apartment. He wanted to be back on the road hunting monsters and saving people. He needed Dean. He didn't want Loki.

“How about some breakfast, mm?” Loki leaned back against the chair in a way that the back legs were supporting his whole weight, only the lip of Loki's shoe was keeping him balanced, “Eggs are good for hangovers, right?” Sam watched eggs appear on the other side of the table and Sam rocked back and forth on the bed. He thought about picking the stake up and ramming it into Loki's head, because that's what he should be doing to the asshole that killed Dean so many times and already filled him with 4 months of a torturous life without Dean. Sam couldn't do it alone again. He couldn't do it. Not again. He couldn't go his whole life like those 4 months... “Sam.” Loki spoke his name in an odd, tender way, “Come and eat something.” Sam's eyes flickered to the plate on the table, and then to Loki and then he slowly forced himself onto his feet. He sat in the other chair and avoided looking at the deity. Scrambled eggs, much like his head and life. Sam swallowed what nausea he had with the eggs.

“Coffee?” Sam mumbled, eyes on the plate and halfway through the meal. Loki waved his hand and a ceramic mug appeared beside Sam's plate. It was hot and smooth and Sam willed it to help his head after a few strained gulps. 

It was felt like forced domesticity and Sam hated the silence that ate away at the room. Loki's apartment was always alive with color, noise, smells, something. But Sam's cheap one room was dull and tasteless compared to the trickster's. Even Loki was less animated and more quiet than usual. Loki's plate was emptied before Sam's and Loki watched him quietly.

“Why are you here?” Sam asked, head feeling more coherent even though his words were tired.

“I'm here for you.” Loki said simply, eying Sam with those old gold eyes, “I can't bring Dean back, but I don't want you to be alone.” Sam scoffed.

“You left me alone in your time loop.” Sam said, holding tight to the bitterness.

“You were trying to kill me 24/7.” Loki protested and Sam narrowed his eyes. Loki rolled his eyes and his chair landed on all four legs, “I was trying to tell you, Sam. You chose not to listen.” Loki folded both arms on the table and leaned in, “You didn't listen to me then. So don't you think you want to start listening to me now?” Sam stared for the longest moment and Loki stared right back.

“Apologize.” Sam decided and Loki leaned back, giving him a startled look.

“Apologize?” 

“I want you to apologize for killing Dean.” Sam stared intently. He couldn't just forgive Loki for it just because Loki wanted to force himself back into his life. He wanted to know Loki wasn't so up high on his pedestal. He wanted to know if Loki had the capacity to feel guilty about something; anything. He wanted to know that Loki could feel regret, or at least pretend to. 

Loki's mouth worked silently for a moment and his eyes considered Sam seriously. Loki pursed his lips and folded his arms. He opened his mouth and slowly spoke, “Fine. I'm sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?” Sam wanted the whole sentence in one piece and he stared at Loki hard for it. Loki's arms unfolded and he stood up, looking frustrated. It had to be frustrating, Sam mused. Sam took pleasure in Loki's discomfort. Because Loki was a god. Gods didn't just apologize to a human. Loki was a hedonistic prick who always got what he wanted.

Finally, Loki turned to Sam, arms open, speaking again with that odd softness that he'd beckoned Sam to the table with, “I'm sorry for hurting you. If there's anything I regretted about those Tuesdays it was when it started ripping you apart and you became a Sam I never wanted to meet, okay? I'm sorry I couldn't help you, and I'm sorry I had to hurt you.” Loki stood there, looking at Sam.

Sam swallowed, it wasn't the apology he expected or wanted. He wanted Loki to feel bad about killing Dean. He didn't want Loki to say those words. It made it sound like he actually cared. Loki stepped up to him and Sam jumped when Loki bent down on one knee and rested his hands on Sam's knee. Loki stared up at him a serious expression that Sam never knew Loki even possessed

“And if anything, I want to make it up to you now.” Loki said firmly, “I want to be here with you, Sam. I want you to let me help you one day at a time. I want you to be happy and I want you to make the right choices.” Sam's eyes watered and he he looked to the table instead of Loki's convincing eyes, “But you have to let me and you have to trust me.” Sam felt Loki's fingers on his jaw and he forced Sam to meet his eyes, “I'm sorry I hurt you.” Sam took a deep, shaky breath. What was Loki doing to him?

“Okay... Okay.” Sam pulled his face from Loki's touch, “I didn't ask you to apologize for that.”

“It wasn't what I was sorry for.” Loki stood and his fingers pet softly through Sam's hair. Sam batted Loki's hand away and Loki backed off, hands lifting, “Alright, fine. No touchy-touchy. I get it.” Loki stepped away and gestured towards the fridge, “By the way, you had next to nothing in your fridge so I did a bit of shopping.” Sam lifted his head. 

“Please tell me it's not all sugar.” Sam grumbled. It was all he ever saw Loki eat.

“No, no, your 'health food' is in there too.” Loki waved his hands about, “I want you up and about, not sick in bed.” Sam sat back in his chair and he rubbed his hand down his face. This wasn't going to help his search to find Dean. 

But... maybe the company would be nice.


	16. Always Missing the Point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Can you tell what shows are parodied?)

“What you reading?” Loki leaned over Sam's shoulder as Sam was reading a dusty tomb. Sam grunted. Loki rolled his eyes and walked around the table, setting a plate of spinach and grilled chicken just behind Sam's book. The chicken was still steaming and Loki took the other chair, waiting for Sam to finally pull his nose out of the pages. Sam had been in the books all day, and honestly, it was boring. Loki entertained himself by putting a new flat screen on Sam's wall and watching any show he could think of that he needed to catch up on. Dr. Sexy MD. Doctor What. S. Holmes. College Wolf. And he was nearly caught up with S. Holmes by the time he realized Sam had not ingested anything but beer all day. The sun was setting and Sam hadn't even checked the fridge to see what he'd stuck in there. 

Sam slowly lifted the book and frowned at the simple salad, “Did you make that?”

Loki waved his hand about, silently claiming that it was a small part of his amazing powers. He'd had good chicken and greens before. He knew what they were, so he could manifest them. Loki had eaten countless things before humans manufactured sugar. It wasn't hard to whip up something, “I'm a culinary master.” Sam gave him a disbelieving look and Loki flicked his wrist, a fork appearing in his hands and he set it beside the dish.

“I bet you couldn't boil water without magic.” Sam quipped and slowly closed the book. 

“Sam, please.” Loki rolled his eyes, “I've been around for centuries. I could make you a grilled cheese without my magic.” He said it with as much gusto as possible and he saw Sam's lips tighten, threatening a smile. Sam was very focused on being bitter with him and Loki was determined to break that. Sam took up the fork and stabbed it into the chicken and some of the spinach before he hesitantly tucked into his mouth. Loki was very pleased and a sly smile slid into place when he was the surprise on Sam's face.

“It's good.” Sam chewed and met Loki's eyes for a second before looking back down at his plate and swallowing. A thank you was on the tip of Sam's tongue, Loki knew it. Loki wasn't looking for a thank you though. He leaned on the table with his elbows.

“You know, I know a certain canine that's missed you.” Loki said and Sam looked up again, slowly consuming the tender chicken and leaves. 

“How is Max?” Sam asked.

“Pining constantly.” Loki rolled his eyes upwards, “'When's Sam coming back?, When's Sam going to bring more chicken? When is Sam going to sleep over again? He makes a better pillow than you', blah, blah, blah.” A tight smile squeezed onto Sam's face and Loki smiled more.

“He doesn't actually talk you know.” Sam said, pushing the food around the plate like a fussy kid.

“He doesn't speak human, but he's a chatterbox, I'll tell you that.” Loki waved his hand and a small dog door appeared on the front of Sam's apartment door. Sam didn't notice it until Max whined as he poked his nose through the door and saw Sam. An actual smile graced Sam's mouth and he dropped the fork. 

“Max!” Sam sounded surprised and Max darted in, jumping right into Sam's lap and started licking Sam's face. Loki smiled, watching the touching reunion. He squashed down the burning sensation of wanting to be the one Sam greeted so readily.

“Hey, Max, you never greet me like that.” Loki wagged his finger at the two of them. Max was being squished in a Sam sized hug and Sam looked all watery-eyed again. Max just licked Sam's chin and face; what ever part of Sam he could greet.

“I bring him chicken.” Sam managed, sounding a little choked and he relaxed from the hug, favoring to rub Max's panting face in his hands. If nothing else, Max could instantly make Sam feel better. Sam took a deep breath and as the excitement cooled down, Max realized there was chicken on the table. Sam chuckled wetly and set Max on the floor, “That's my chicken this time, Max.” Sam sat back and rubbed Max's head, even when Max rested his face on Sam's thigh, staring at him with those watery eyes. Loki just smiled and Sam looked back at him for a moment, “What?”

“Hm?” Loki was leaning on his hand, just watching.

“You're staring.” Sam picked up his fork again and more readily ate his dish.

“Just watching you swoon over my room mate instead of me. I'm all sorts of jealous.” Loki gave enough flare to the last line to cover up the truth of it and Sam chewed, his exuberant smile mellowing to a smaller version of itself.

“Your dog is cute.” Sam muttered through his mouthful and Loki smiled a little more. He sounded a little like the old Sam. Just a little. But it was a nice start.

-

Sam woke up, hearing crickets chirp from the open window and to the dark of the apartment. He moved and heard a discontent rumble from beside him on the cot. His hand moved to pet Max's belly and Max mellowed back to sleep. Sam didn't remember going to bed. Or rather, he didn't remember collapsing into a coma after a fruitless bout of research. He looked around, the only light in the room was from the flickering wide screen TV and he noticed Loki was absent from the busted up couch. 

He rubbed his eyes and fished out his phone to check the time. 4 AM. Sam laid back in bed for a moment before he rolled out of bed and he walked to the fridge. Maybe he'd fallen asleep from exhaustion and Loki moved him. Loki was strong enough to. Sam viewed the refrigerator, mildly surprised that Loki could actually pull together a decent shopping order. But instead of an apple Sam took up a beer and opened it. The first gulp wet his parched mouth and the second helped with the cloud of gloom than he always felt suffocating him. He shut the fridge and leaned against it, slowly draining the bottle. 

None of the books he had were helping. Nothing was working. Dean was still in hell; because of him. Sam rubbed his eyes, fighting the sleep by pacing around. He always ended up doing this when he was stuck. He was stuck, trying to rescue Dean with no plan. With no back up. Bobby said nothing but apologies for not finding anything. Loki didn't have anything. There was also nothing on Lilith. It was like the bitch had vanished. When he got his hands on her...

“You up already?” Loki's voice startled him from the door. 

“Yeah. So?” Sam said as Loki walked closer. Sam took a deep breath to settle his nerves and tossed the empty bottle into the trash can. He went into the fridge for another bottle.

“A bit early for drinking, don't you think?” Loki asked. Sam popped the bottle top off whilst looking at Loki. Sex wiggled itself back into Sam's head. The possibility was there. Loki was there. Sam wouldn't have minded losing himself for a while. Like old times. At least for a while it would feel good. At least it would feel somewhat normal.

“No.” Sam shrugged and when he took a sip, he didn't find beer, he found water. Sam frowned at the drink. Loki gave him a quirked brow, Sam could see it in the light of the TV screen.

“Yeah, I think it's a bit late.” Loki insisted.

“Turn it back.” Sam tapped his finger on the bottle, “I'm an adult, I can drink when ever I want.”

“Promise you'll go to bed after.” Loki said and Sam rolled his eyes.

“Yes, sure.” Sam rolled his eyes and Loki waved his hand. Sam sipped from the lip and gratefully found beer again. Loki went to the TV and the TV started flipping through channels by itself. Sam watched him, the idea of sex draining away. It was odd being in the room with Loki without the trickster constantly having his eyes on him. Normally they went to sex right away and maybe Sam expected that to stay the same. Finally the TV light flickered out and Loki took Sam's hand, leading him back to the cot. Sam was set down on the thin mattress and the empty bottle was taken from his fingers. Loki dragged his fingers through Sam's hair.

“Go back to sleep.” Loki pressed down on Sam's forehead and Sam was put flat on his back, his head hitting the pillow. “You still have 2 hours til sunrise.” As Loki pulled away, Sam's hand reached up and took Loki's hand. Loki stopped, looking down at Sam curiously.

“Why are you here, Loki?” Sam asked tiredly, “There's better places you can be. More fun than here...” Loki shook his head.

“You're missing the point, Sam. You're always missing the point.” Loki leaned down and kissed Sam's forehead, “I'm here because I want to be.” Loki's hand slipped away and Sam closed his eyes, sleep over taking him quicker than he thought it would.


	17. Fights, Anger, and Cake

It had been a week since Loki had invited himself into Sam's apartment. Sam tried to ignore him. He kept researching for a way to save Dean of find Lilith. He just followed any lead that would help. Loki kept constant food on the table and Sam found himself picking at it. He never quite finished a full plate and treated Max to most of the meat products. When Sam ran into another dead end, he picked up the rotgut and drank. Loki just gave him an annoyed look most of the time and Sam snapped that if he didn't like it, he could leave. But Loki didn't leave. He wasn't there all the time, but he never left for long.

“Your liver is going to end up failing.” Loki sat on the edge of Sam's bed.

“Oh well.” Sam had the bottle neck between his fingers. He'd finished his last book with no results and Loki rolled his eyes. Max was laying down on the bed next to Loki and huffed tiredly.

“Even Max says you stink.” Loki said and when Sam gave him a raised brow, Loki waved his hand, “You're not exactly spring time fresh. And you've barely touched any food all day-”

“I don't care.” Sam snapped, gripping the bottle tight, “I never asked you to stay or help, so if you don't like it, leave.” Loki's face tightened.

“Well excuse me for not wanting you to drink yourself into the grave. You're a full grown man that should be able to take care of yourself.” Loki folded his arms and rolled onto his back, grumbling.

“Then stop treating me like a child.” Sam leaned heavily against his kitchen counter. That was it, Loki decided.

“Fine.” Loki clapped his hands in the air loudly and sat up, snapping both hands. All of Sam's cluttered mess of books and notes disappeared from the table and so did the bottle in his hand. Sam also felt suddenly -despairingly- sober. Sam gave Loki a torn expression, as if Loki was making him face the horrors of having no way to save Dean with no alcohol in his system. Loki stood, hands on his waist, “Sam Winchester, you're an adult, and you've been moping in here since Dean died. Drinking yourself into a coma is NOT what Dean would have wanted. You're lucky I've been watching your drunk ass because otherwise you would be dead, by your own devices or by some demon's. You're not bringing Dean back and you're not hunting Lilith.” Sam's eyes widened and Loki threw his hands into the air, “I'm not stupid, Sam. You've already gone through all of the resurrection books humanity has and now you've moved onto demon books. Just stop it. You're still obsessing over Dean.”

“I'm not going to stop looking for Dean or Lilith, and you can't make me!” Sam yelled. He pointed to the table, “Put back, my, notes.”

“No.” Loki folded his arms, “Not until you take a shower. Not until YOU start taking care of YOU. Because you're right. You are NOT a child and you are better than THIS.” he gestured to Sam in his 3 day old clothes and halfway to another breakdown. Sam was red faced with rage and he kicked over the table and a chair, causing a lot of noise and scaring Max off the bed and back through the doggie door Loki had made (Which was a portal back to Loki's apartment).

“Fuck you!” Sam stood over Loki and Loki narrowed his eyes, “You think just because you're a god you can tell me to do, but you don't rule my life!”

“I'm doing this for your own health you ungrateful asshat!” Loki yelled right back, “Believe it or not, I care whether you break your neck or go insane from grief. I'm definitely not doing it for my own sanity because you are driving me INSANE. You're insufferable!”

“Then leave! I never wanted you around anyway! I hate you!” Sam yelled, Loki's nose scrunched up and he really wanted to knock some sense into Sam. Oh yes, he wanted to punch Sam's mouth. He could put him back together just fine, even make Sam forget the whole thing. Instead he snapped his fingers and he disappeared, finding homage in his own apartment.

Loki was nearly vibrating with anger and he spotted Max hiding under the couch, poking out his nose to see who was with him. Loki took away the doggie door and folded his arms, “Stupid, stupid, Winchester...” Loki spat the words and his body just vibrated with pent up aggression. Luckily he knew how to take care of that. He knew some People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals that could use some trickster punishments.

-

Hours later after some entertaining animal attacks and one impalement, Loki found himself more relaxed than he had been in months. PETA really sucked when it came to animals support. Loki popped back into his apartment and Max was pining at the door.

“Hey, bud.” Loki scratched Max's head and walked in with a cake in a shopping bag. There was that one corner store that he'd heard good things about and he was eager to see if there was a new roller coaster for his taste buds to enjoy. He set it on the table, expecting Max's curiosity to get the best of him. Because Loki had a small dog friendly cake in there with it. But Max was still at the door and he whined at it. Loki rolled his eyes.

“Not right now, Max. Just leave Sam alone for a few days. He's intolerable.” Loki brought out the cake, “I got something for you. It's vanilla~.” Max didn't come and Loki only heard scratching at the door. Scratching where that dog door had been. Loki sighed and put down the small cupcake, “Fine. Fine. We'll check in on him. Make sure he hasn't impaled himself on a pen or something.”

Loki walked over to the door and picked up Max, flying them both back to Sam's apartment. It was already dark outside as well as inside. Sam was curled up in the cot and Max's paws wiggled, eager to go and see Sam again now that he wasn't yelling and kicking furniture. Loki put Max down and the small dog skittered over to the cot, hopping in bed and greeted Sam with wet kisses. Sam woke up and his arms instantly wrapped around the small dog, hugging him close.

“Hey, Max.” Sam spoke with a gummed up voice and Loki slid his hands into his pockets, watching from a distance. At least Sam was alright, he thought. Loki felt like he was failing in his quest to get Sam better. Failing to change the path Sam was on. If he couldn't get Sam to let go, he was going to start the apocalypse. If Sam didn't trust him then Lucifer was going to wear Sam for eternity and beyond. Not only that, Loki was starting to believe it every time Sam said he hated him and maybe there was nothing he could say or do to ever get back what they had. 

Loki waved his hand, bringing back the doggie door for Max in case he wanted to go back home and was about to go home himself. No use letting Sam know he'd brought Max there.

“Loki?” Sam sat up slightly, looking for him and Loki stopped. Damn, Sam Winchester for looking like a kicked dog.

“What?” Loki walked to the end of the bed, giving Sam a deadpan look. Great, Sam looked guilty. And he damn well should because he was a real pain to care for.

“I... I'm sorry about earlier.” Sam said and Loki walked around the bed. 

“You should be. You're a pain and a half when you're like that.” Loki looked away from Sam's broken expression, “Go back to sleep, you look like a wreck.” He went to brush his finger's through Sam's hair and Sam caught it when it curled around his ear. Sam leaned his cheek into it. 

“Stay?” Sam asked. Loki hesitated but nodded, because those damn eyes begged him to.

“Sure.” Loki agreed and when Sam didn't let go, Loki knelt on the bed. He was eventually tugged down into a warm hug and Sam nuzzled his nose into Loki's hair. At least Sam smelled better. Loki smiled and squeezed his arm around Sam's middle, squeezing back a little.

“At least you smell spring time fresh now.” Loki commented.

“I did need a shower.” Sam admitted slowly and Loki patted his back. 

“Me and Max appreciate it.” Loki smiled and speaking of, Max climbed from behind Sam to squeeze between them so Sam had to loosen his grip. Loki caught Sam's smile and smiled back. Sam pursed his lips to wet them, a flicker of his tongue showing in the streetlamp light.

“Do you know how weird this is?” Sam asked slowly.

“Well you don't often shower, and I should tell you it's good for you.” Loki quipped. Sam had maybe showered twice since he'd been there. And Sam got sweaty and ripe in the non-sexy way.

Sam rolled his eyes, “I mean having you here. All the time. And there's no sex.” Loki thought about it for a moment.

“Do you want sex?” Loki asked.

“Well...” Sam trailed off so Loki continued.

“Because I got the distinct impression that you're still pissed at me. And I don't generally sleep with people who hate me. Angry, sure. Aggressive, yeah, why not. Alcoholic, with a side of grieving, that's cutting it close. But honestly, I haven't felt like it. Not with your mood swings.” Loki trailed his fingers down Sam's back, idly tracing Sam's spine. Sam was quiet and he squeezed Max and Loki a little tighter.

“I don't hate you. I was angry.” Sam said sadly.

“You're like, Hulk angry. It's not sexy.” Loki knew angry people that could be sexy when angry, but that definitely wasn't Sam.

“I know. I'm sorry.” Sam gave him those eyes again and Loki sighed, rubbing Sam's back again.

“I'll forgive you. But really, I'm a god, not a saint. I only have so much patience.” Loki told him and Sam nodded.

“Okay.” Sam eyed him steadily and leaned in, giving Loki one of those sweet kisses that had started only a few months ago. The ones that were sweeter than chocolate and never failed to bring a smile to Loki's lips. He'd missed those. He watched Sam fall asleep and he stayed. He was a little bored, yes, but he stayed.


	18. This Must Be Heaven

“It's freezing out.” Sam complained, hands stuffed into his coat pockets.

“It is not, it's 35 degrees Fahrenheit. That's above freezing.” Loki trotted after Max as the dog was bounding about the park, sniffing every new shrub and tree. 

“Close enough.” Sam sighed and saw his breath. It was early and a week after Loki had banned all alcohol from Sam's apartment. Even beer Sam brought home turned into root beer and Loki drank it readily when it happened. Loki had also never returned his notes. So Sam was stuck with day time television and what ever distraction Loki had for him that day. Sam really couldn't bring himself to scream about the alcohol issue. Not after he was going a bit crazy wondering if Loki had actually left for good and realized Loki was right, he was messed up and getting worse.

It was cloudy but Sam still found the sky to be too bright for his liking. He guessed he'd been inside for too long. The park still smelled like winter, even though it was supposed to be spring. Loki was in his jacket and didn't seemed phased by the weather.

“You're not even bothered about how cold it is, are you?” Sam asked and Loki manifested a tennis ball in his hand and whistled for Max's attention.

“Nope!” Loki threw the ball halfway across the park, “Go get it, Max!” Max started barking sporadically and dashed after the fuzzy yellow ball. Loki grinned, “Oh yeah, he needed a walk.” Loki turned back to Sam, a cheerful smile on is face. “Look at you, out and about.” Sam shrugged. 

“It's not a big deal.” Sam muttered.

“Please, you've been hauled up for 3 weeks. This is amazing.” Loki looked back to the park, where Max was jogging back with the ball in his mouth. Loki patted his legs as Max got closer and he wrestled the ball out of Max's mouth, “Atta'boy, Max. Wanna get it again, huh?” he waved around the ball in the air and Max panted, nose following the yellow orb. 

Sam watched, a small smile grew on his face. It was kind of nice. This was semi-normal. Except that Loki was a god and they had this strange, silent arrangement of living together. And Sam was a mentally laid up hunter who hadn't looked at the paper in almost a month. Saving people. Hunting things. Sam watched Max running off for another long pass. Did he... want to start hunting again? He hadn't found a way to save Dean, nor had he heard any leads on Lilith. It drove him crazy at first, but with Loki's constant annoyance over the week he wasn't allowed to dwell on it. He should have been buried in books, or calling people. He should have been looking for omens or something. In stead, he was standing in the park with Loki and watching him play fetch with Max.

And Sam found it peaceful. Standing in the slightly windy chill that blew his hair about.

But he should have been anything but peaceful. He should have been scouring the bottom of Hell for Dean, because Dean was his anchor. Dean was sanity in this crazy world. Loki was fun, laughter, and carelessness. Loki was like the wind, wild and free. Loki swept him away from his responsibilities and left him spinning as though a gale had swept him around as if he was expected to find his way back home when he was lost. And Loki kept coming back. Everything Sam did to pull away was going no where. He'd once had a grip on finding Lilith and avenging Dean. But now it was just Loki who had swept all of his progress out from under Sam's finger tips. Chasing it was more exhausting then letting Loki pull him along. 

It was strange, being swept up so high. It was like... he could let go and Loki would catch him. Like he could say good-bye to his brother and maybe be happy. Not right away, but, it was like there was a path besides the one he'd been following. The path that Loki had been prompting, letting Dean go. And then the path he always found down stream, the one that flowed red and promised revenge and anger. The red path was loosing momentum with no way to pursue it. 

Max flopped onto the grass in front of Loki's feet on his side; huffing and panting. Loki held up the ball, blinking down at Max, “Tired already?” he patted Max's belly, which had grown in the last two weeks, “You're getting fat, Max.” Sam looked away, somewhat guilty for that. 

“It's also cold out.” Sam said and Loki rolled his eyes.

“You've said that ten times already. If it bothers you that much we'll go back inside.” Loki stood and Max rolled onto his paws, but still panted in the chilled air, “It's supposed to be spring already.”

“Yeah, I know.” Sam looked at Loki, wondering when he'd been first swept up. “Supposed to get warmer later in the week.”

“Good, I can get you out more.” Loki looked up at him, “Get you away from Illinois. Somewhere warmer. Miami? Santiago? Ah, Las Vegas.” Loki grinned at Sam and Sam slowly returned the smile. Sam's hand reached out before Sam really even knew what he was reaching for. He took a hold of Loki's hand, squeezing it.

“Sure.” Sam agreed, “Somewhere warmer.” Loki looked at their connected hands and the smile returned to his mouth full force and he lifted Sam's hand, kissing the back of it. Sam flushed when Loki's lips warmed his cold fingers. “We're outside you know.”

“So?” Loki shrugged, as if it never mattered who saw the affection, “No one's around. Just you and me.” Sam looked around cautiously and he nodded slowly, squeezing Loki's hand back.

“Yeah.” Sam smiled, “You and me.” It felt good to say it.

-

Sam shed his coat inside the apartment and Max shook out his cold fur as he trotted in with Loki. It was getting dark and Loki immediately went to the refrigerator, looking for the milk, “I'm thinking hot chocolate for a cold day. What do you think?”

“I guess.” Sam sat on the bed, “I'm not really hungry though.”

“You trying to starve yourself on me again?” Loki raised a brow at Sam and Sam shrugged, stripping his shirt over his head since it was much warmer in the apartment. Loki's eyes betrayed him and took in Sam's body. Sam was eating better, even willingly the last few days.

“No.” Sam rubbed his hands together, observing where Loki's eyes were. Loki still hadn't propositioned Sam at all. They never talked about any boundaries. They seemed to be beyond just sex buddies and yet... they hadn't done anything for months. Sam wet his lips, “Do you want to...”

“I could pop up some chicken soup.” Loki swooped in, continuing the current conversation, “Or tomato. I have had a very good sweet potato soup you might like.” Sam sighed and stood up, going over to Loki in the kitchenette.

“I'm not hungry.” Sam repeated and took Loki's face in his hands, kissing him. Loki's body was warm and Sam felt as though he'd been cold for a long time, “I want you to warm me up.” Loki seemed cautious, hands resting over Sam's.

“Sam, I'm not here for that.” Loki said gently and Sam felt a swell of hurt.

“What, because you're living with me means we can't have sex?” Sam stood straighter, frowning.

“I'm not here just for sex.” Loki nudged the fridge door shut.

“I know.” Sam's hands fell to Loki's shoulders and neck. He felt his chest tighten, “I just...” Sam took a deep breath. What was he doing? Going through the motions again? Was it really that? It was the first time in weeks that he wanted anything physical and Loki wasn't exactly responding how he'd hoped. It never took much prompting before to get into bed with the trickster. He missed it. He missed the simplicity of feeling good and then laughing after wards. It seemed so far away. Sam swallowed, his throat dry, “I miss you.” Loki smiled a little, squeezing Sam's hand.

“I'm right here, Kiddo. Nothing to miss.” Loki shrugged and Sam shook his head.

“No, it's not...” Sam took a deep breath, it was so frustrating to find words that wouldn't bare too much and embarrass him later, “I miss going to your apartment and lying in bed with you when you told me stories. I miss being able to go to you after a bad day of hunting and you kissing it away.” He scoffed, looking down as Loki was staring at him, confused, “I miss Max jumping around like an angry Spanish man and just...” Sam took a deep breath, “I don't really feel whole.” Loki eyed him for a long moment, seeming to grasp some of the depth. Sam thought back over his words, face feeling hot. It all just sounded like a jumbled mess. He pulled back, “Never mind. Forget I said anything.”

Sam sat on the cot and Loki stood still as Sam did his best to bury that embarrassment in the back of his memory. He felt empty for a while now. The sort of lacking that ate him up from the inside. He felt it gnawing at him after the Mystery Spot and it wasn't something he could ignore after Dean died. He was just swallowed up with loneliness and that was the closest word he could put to the torrent of the past few months.

Loki soon joined him, standing by the bed and he leaned over Sam, his fingers cupping Sam's face. Sam looked up at him. Loki wasn't grinning; wasn't smirking. He looked rarely genuine, “I want to make you whole, Sam.” Loki warmed Sam's lips with his own in a kiss. Loki was liquid heat against his skin and Sam hugged him tight, the kiss drawn out fluidly. It was like breathing, easy and natural. Sam realized how much he missed that. Sam ran his fingers through Loki's hair, drawing Loki in deeper. Loki leaned into him, warm and solid. 

Loki's fingers lingered on his jaw and cheeks, tracing soothing circles across Sam's face and into his hair. Sam pressed in deeper to the kiss, feeling the tension lighten. Sam's fingers started to unbutton Loki's shirt and slid up the warm skin before sliding Loki's shirt off his shoulders. 

“Let's take our time,” Loki murmured against Sam's lips, eyes half closed, “You don't have to be anywhere afterwards.”

“Yeah.” Sam agreed, absorbed with Loki's closeness, “I don't want to be anywhere else.” A warm smile spread across Loki's lips.

“Took the words right out of my mouth.” Loki pressed another kiss to Sam's lips, easing Sam onto the creaky mattress. Loki's hands were slow and deliberate; cupping Sam's neck and sliding through his hair. Sam's arms wrapped around Loki's ribs and gently raked his finger tips down Loki's back. Loki laid over him, his weight warm and solid. It wasn't the usual explosive heat that left Sam's nerves tingling and his mind lost. Loki's hands and lips gave him a stable foundation, somewhere to be tethered to as the heat crackled warmly against his skin as Loki slowly worked his hands downwards. 

Loki snapped his fingers and Sam felt the air suddenly around his legs and hips. Skin was against skin. Loki smiled down at him, having whisked away the rest of their clothing and Sam's smiled a little, “Lazy.”

“What, just because I have powers and I use them?” Loki's hand squeezed Sam's thigh and Sam's thighs curled around Loki's hips, breathing out a content sigh.

“Yes.” Sam said and Loki laughed softly.

“Fine, I'm lazy.” He pressed butter fly kisses to Sam's neck and chest, “As long as that means I get more of you, I'm fine with it.” Sam felt tingles over his skin and he stretched his neck back, his arms stretching up until they hit the metal bars on the cot. It wasn't a very big bed. The bed rattled with the contact of Sam's knuckles and Loki paused in his kisses. He raised his brow and shook his head, “This won't do.” he waved his hand and the bed got larger under them. The metal became solid wood and it widened into a king or queen sized mattress, along with luxury sheets. Sam's fingers gratefully tangled in the sheets above him and his whole body, “Still want to call me lazy?” Loki waggled his brows and Sam rolled his eyes, lips pursing into a smile.

“I didn't mean it in a bad way.” Sam ran his knee up Loki's hip, reveling in the warmth of skin, “I'm not taking it back though.”

“Course not.” Loki continued his kisses down Sam's body and Sam sighed happily as Loki kissed the valley of Sam's hip bones. Sam breathed out, legs sliding apart naturally. Sam hear the click-snap of a bottle and knew Loki had manifested a bottle of lube. 

Sam heard some heavy panting and he turned his head, knowing it wasn't him or Loki doing it. He saw Max at the side of the bed and he laughed quietly, he force of it wracking his body, gaining Loki's attention. Max's paws were leaning on the side of the bed and he was staring at the both. He pulled his tongue back into his mouth and leaned his head on the bed, giving them a look as though they'd turned off his favorite movie.

“Your dog is a voyeur.” Sam informed him. The door had always been closed at Loki's place, but Sam's entire living space was in one room.

“Go back to the apartment, Max.” Loki pointed with the bottle to the door and Max's ears lowered, eyes growing bigger in that puppy-eyed way, “Oh, come on... This is a private moment.” 

Sam touched Loki's arm, “It's fine. As long as he doesn't start humping something it won't be too distracting.” Loki let out a sigh and waved his hand for Max to lay down. Max took the cue and he trotted back, sitting on his haunches to watch, “So, distract me.” Sam smiled, legs squeezing Loki's hips again with his knees and Loki's smile grew again. He slid back and his fingers ghosted over Sam's thigh and Sam took a deep breath, relaxing his body. 

He couldn't remember the last time he felt so at ease. Even when they were just having casual sex. Sam was always on edge. Always some sort of worry going through his head. Always having some suspicion about Loki's motives. But now Sam was in a haze of pleasure he hadn't known for a long time. Or maybe he'd never known what this felt like. It was hard to tell.

Loki's fingers opened Sam up and Sam's fingers dug in the sheets, breath heavy. Loki continued to pamper Sam's skin with affectionate touches and warm kisses. Kisses caressed his abs and Sam had a hand full of Loki's hair between his fingers as Loki left teasing kisses along his cock.

“Oh...” Sam's head pressed into the sheets, his body squeezing around the fingers and Loki's eyes were hungrily taking Sam in, “I'm more than ready.” Sam breathed and Loki's fingers curled and Sam closed his eyes. Tidal waves of heat made him shutter.

“I know.” Loki slid closer to Sam, his knees sliding under Sam's thighs, “I can never get enough. Seeing your belly contract and your toes curl. Your skin flush. Your moans.” Sam's face burned with the compliments and Loki sat up, slowly drew out his fingers. “You're beautiful.” Sam moaned involuntarily with the loss of fingers.

“I'm not a girl.” Sam managed, catching his breath.

“Doesn't change anything.” Loki leaned forward and kissed lips warmly, “Can't change the fact that you're gorgeous. Inside and out.” Sam's fingers dug into Loki's hair, returning the kiss. Sam's belly and chest were tight. Loki was a charmer, there was no changing him; and honestly Sam didn't want him to.

Loki slid into him, hot and tight. Sam groaned, fingers gripped tight on Loki. It had been a long while but Sam relaxed into it and he curled forward, locking lips with his trickster again. Loki rocked into him, slowly following a harmonious momentum. 

“Been a while, Sam.” Loki murmured near Sam's ear.

“Yeah. A long while.” Sam took deep breaths, closing his eyes, just feeling Loki again. He did miss it. He missed this a lot. Loki rocked forward, kissed Sam's chest and they moved together; a nice, leisurely pace that sent ripples of pleasure in Sam. Sam's hand slid down Loki's arm, breathing heavily and his moans escalated the longer the pressure built. Loki never moved far away always within reach for a kiss. Every so often they would catch each other's eyes which only made Sam want to make it last rather than race to the finish. 

Sam's hand slid down and reached Loki's, which pressed into the mattress for balance. Loki's hand seemed to realize Sam's was there and it lifted, lacing their fingers together. Sam gripped Loki's hand as it was pressed into the sheets above Sam's head and Loki leaned down for a sweet, lip tingling kiss. Sam briefly wondered if this was perfection.

It couldn't last forever though. Sam's body reached it's limit and he clenched around Loki, body quaking, “Oh, Loki! Loki... Oh...” Sam groaned loudly, body curling and Loki groaned into Sam's neck. Sam shuttered, rocked with the waves of orgasm. Liquid heat rushed through Sam, making him boneless and he laid out limp on the sheets, panting heavily. Loki laid atop Sam's body and he leaned his head against Sam's, hot and sweaty. Loki's hand cupped Sam's cheek and his thumb traced Sam's lips. Sam's eyes closed, tired arms curling around Loki as the heat cooled and they arranged themselves comfortably on the bed.

“Better?” Loki traced Sam's collar bone with his finger, still laying atop Sam, keeping him nice and toasty still. Sam smiled, mind still somewhat hazy.

“Much.” Sam sighed and rolled onto his side, tired of holding up Loki's weight, he needed to breathe. Loki went with it. He was smiling and running his hand through Sam's hair, giving the most affectionate smile as he looked at Sam. Sam felt butterflies in his stomach. “This... This isn't what we had before.” Sam mused softly. Because those waves of motion weren't really sex. They melded together and made love.

“Doesn't look like it.” Loki agreed and then slowly rose his brows curiously, “That a problem?”

“No. I kind of like this.” Sam pursed his lips, nervous. Loki smiled and nodded.

“This a thing now or what?” Loki unraveled a few of Sam's hair curls with his finger, “Because... I care about you, I hope you know.” Sam swallowed. He cared too, but it wasn't an easy thing to say.

“I was thinking...” Sam waved his hand thoughtfully, “Maybe I could... start hunting again.” Loki raised his brows and Sam rolled his eyes, “Not Lilith, okay. But... you know I wouldn't mind if you tagged along. I should do something besides stay around here.”

“Just you, me, and Max, huh?” A golden smile slowly spread out on Loki's face; hopeful and happy. As though he'd been waiting for that to pop out. Loki always complained about Sam's cheap apartment and about staying in Pontiac, Illinois. Where Dean's body was.

“Yeah.” Sam agreed with a nod. 

“You know...” Loki's fingers walked across Sam's collar bone, “My apartment travels from place to place. I could help you out with a place to stay.” Sam stared at Loki for a moment.

“Are you asking me to move in with you?” Sam asked slowly.

“Mmmaybe.” Loki offered, looking tentative and Max jumped up on the bed with them, barking and wagging his tail, startling them both, “Alright, fine, yes. Sam, do you want to move in with me? Mi casa e tu casa.” Sam smiled and he reached over a hand, rubbing Max's head. He did. He wanted to stay.

“I'd like that.” Sam said, “I'd like that a lot.” Max started bounding about the room and barking happily and both Sam and Loki laughed. Loki's fingers filled the spaces between Sam's as Loki linked their hands together and Sam smiled easily. He didn't feel lost while he was there. He felt whole.


	19. Blood and Roses

Loki was grinning from ear to ear, making mental arrangements as he shifted items around in his apartment. Max was keeping Sam company for the day while Loki was tying up loose ends. There was... a lot of things to consider with allowing a human into his space. Okay, he'd have to hide his extra curricular activities. Or at least not have another PETA incident. Sam would throw a fit. He always threw a fit when some human died. Loki didn't make a fuss when Sam stabbed the Carrigans. They had made some really sweet gingerbread houses that were just amazing every year. Max would have been able to live in it as a doghouse. Yes, the Carrigans were vindictive, forced him into bridge games, and killed people, but really, he'd known them forever. He'd taken tips for blending in with humans from them. He'd actually felt part of a holiday special sometimes when he was there. It was fun while it lasted. 

He couldn't really be mad at Sam for surviving though. Having Sam was much better than a once a year forced holiday. 

Loki sighed, trying to decide if he should add a rec room. Maybe two to his apartment, where currently the couch was levitating in the kitchen and the bedroom door had been moved to the other side of the house. He scratched his chin, reasoning that one living room and a bedroom would just not be enough breathing space. Because Sam got into moods, and Loki just wanted to be gone during those moods. He waved his hand, the couch lowering onto the floor and two new doors slid into place. One dubbed “Loki's Cave of Wonders” and “Sam's Room”. Loki nodded approvingly. He hadn't had to think about someone moving in for a long time. Years. Centuries even.

Loki sighed. Kali. Kali was also a long, long time ago. She was really the last person he'd tried to woo. But as soon as something more was brought up, she immediately held up her hands -all 6 of them- and said he had the wrong idea about her. She didn't love him. Loki was just making things complicated.

Complicated. Loki huffed. What was wrong with complicated? He liked complicated and interwoven intricacies of life. So yeah, he wanted to romance her. He wanted to get through that damn fire wall she always threw up with him. But really, a man could only have his head stomped on so many times before he got the hint. Worst decade of his life really. 

Loki smiled a bit, Sam wasn't too much different in that way. His temper was atrocious. He was all fire and anger, but Loki couldn't help himself. He liked things that were bad for him. He liked Sam. 

He loved Sam.

Loki shut his eyes for a moment. If Sam could just hold on... If he could just distract Sam until Heaven got Dean out of Hell, Loki was sure Sam wouldn't fall down the blood spilled path. Because despite Sam's wish to move away from Lilith and Dean, Loki couldn't help but think it was like drawing an addict away from his drug. The want to leave was there, but the chemical dependence was still in his brain. He'd tossed those notes into a volcano. He didn't want Sam breaking the last seal. He wanted Michael and Lucifer to stop their pissing contest and using humans to do it. He liked humans for the most part. They were a bunch of pigs most of the time. War and blood happy pigs. But really, most of them tried.

He really shouldn't insult the pigs. Pigs were smart. They didn't start beating other pigs for the fun of it. He mentally apologized to all the swine in the world.

Loki looked around the apartment. Should he add a second floor? He rubbed his hand over his face and shook his head, “No, too much. One step at a time.” He told himself. He felt like he was jumping into this. Sex was one thing, but co-existing in the same living space? He looked at his pin up girls and pointed to each one in turn, “You're all staying. You might get moved, but I would never get rid of you.” He wondered if he should make a pin up of Sam in a speedo. A slow grin crawled onto his lips. He would have to do that in his Cave of Wonders. He briefly wondered about his porn collection. Was Sam a Casa Erotica kind of guy or more Lucas Entertainment?

Loki shrugged. He'd have time to find out, right? It would take less than a minute to move all Sam's things in. He'd even added another closet and set of dressers in the bedroom. He still got butterflies when he thought about Sam calling this place home. 

Should he bring food or flowers back with him? He tapped his temple with his fingers. He'd been away for maybe a day. He wanted to make sure Sam ate that sushi he'd left there. Oh, what was he thinking? He'd have both. He smiled, and held out a hand, a bakers dozen of roses appearing in a neat package. He snapped his fingers and on the kitchen table appeared two plates of spaghetti appeared steaming on the table, as well as a couple candles and a bucket of ice with a bottle of wine. 

Was that too much? Maybe it was a bit forward. Moving in was one thing. Romance was another. He could maybe wait a week or so after Sam settled in.

Maybe a few days.

Or a few hours.

Loki took a deep breath. One step, Loki, one step at a time. The last thing he wanted to do was scare Sam off. Sam was touch and go. He'd be warm and fuzzy one moment, the next he'd shove Loki away. He needed Sam in a fuzzy mood before he declared something like that.

3 days, minimum, Loki decided and nodded. He waved away the wine, candles, and all but one of the flowers. He smiled at the perfect blooming bud of the fire colored peddles. Yes, that would be good. It was subtle, right? It wasn't like he was throwing a flower parade in Sam's apartment. Loki could do subtle, really. He could do this. This was going to go well. Smooth.

Loki grinned, he would sweep Sam off his feet! And with that thought he took off to Sam's apartment.

Unfortunately, it was dead quiet in the apartment. And gloomier than he remembered. Something wasn't right, “Sam?”

Loki heard a whimper and Loki's blood ran cold. He looked to the bed he'd conjured into the room and he bent down, lifting it up with one hand. Under the bed was a puddle of blood, and in the puddle was Max. Loki flipped the bed over, the whole thing crashing over into the kitchenette area and making a horrible clatter of pots and pans. Loki knelt, dropping the rose as he looked Max over. Max wasn't moving, on his side. His stomach was cut open and his paws trembled, not moving a voluntary muscle, even as Loki gently touched his head. Loki's breath was shallow, observing the blood around Max's muzzle and Loki could feel that Max was closer to death than the first time he'd found him.

“Sh, you're a good boy, Max.” Loki soothed and focused his healing touch on Max's back, “Relax. Good boy, holding on like this...” Max's body was riddled with pain before Loki's grace sank into him, mending all wounds and replacing the lost blood. The rose peddles soaked in the blood on the floor, forgotten.

Max's eyes opened and his paws spasmed back to life as he yipped and barked. He got up onto his feet and ran towards the shut door, starting to claw at it. Loki stood, “Max. Max, you have to tell me what happened.” Max barked and yipped. Something about two humans, came in and attacked Sam. And then one died, and Sam went with a human, and Max had bit one, but that was before Sam came home... Loki held his head, Max just wasn't making any sense. His little dog brain was too scattered and excited about finding Sam. “For the love of Dad, sit.” Max grumbled but he sat his butt down on the floor, frustrated that Loki didn't seem to get the urgency. The thing was, Loki got the urgency, but he couldn't help unless he knew what happened. Loki was actually glad Max had sat when told and he went to the shaking dog. He knelt and clamped both hands around the dog's head, diving into Max's memories.

Not surprisingly black and white, Loki watched though Max's eyes as Max panted over the fact that Sam was eating food without sharing. Seeing Sam smile was nice, and it was nicer seeing Sam eating the sushi he'd left; voluntarily and with chopsticks. Then Sam had run out for something and whilst Sam was away, a man and a woman had snuck in. Max had growled and barked. Max even got a bite in on the man, the more threatening adversary. But the woman had brandished a kitchen knife, and stabbed Max in the gut. Max was tossed under the bed, slowly bleeding out. Sam returned with a bag and Max could only watch because the more he moved, the more it hurt.

Sam called the woman Ruby and she was threatening to kill Sam with his own knife (the demon killing one) one moment, and the next, she had stabbed the man with the knife, the sound of a demon being vanquished reached Loki's senses. Demons. They were Demons. Shit. Ruby said they had to go and Sam tried to protest, looking around the room, but Ruby yanked his jacket, mentioning Lilith and Sam completely changed, his panic disappearing and his body going still. And he left with her.

Shit. Loki pulled out of Max's mind and Max settled, more perplexed by that strange sensation of having his memories invaded. “You're going home, and I'm going after Sam.” Max opened his mouth, to bark in protest, but Loki already waved his hand, sending Max back to his apartment. He was going to rip that demon to shreds. He had worked too hard to get Sam away from this fate. He'd strove and put too much of himself into this to lose Sam now. He could still steer Sam away from it. It didn't have to be the end of the world. Sam could still make the right choices. He had to.


	20. We Are The Choices We Make

Sam held his head, standing in an empty house. Ruby had switched bodies, trotting around in some Jane Doe and Sam had a drink firmly in hand next to his temple. He was torn. He wanted to call Loki, tell him he was okay. He wanted to go see where Max had hid himself when Ruby had intruded. But he knew Loki would disapprove. He knew Loki would try to stop him.

Sam had to kill Lilith. If he killed Lilith and avenged Dean, the world would be a better place. Lilith would stop taking childrens' bodies and killing people. Lilith would stop hurting people period. Then he could breathe easy. Then maybe he and Loki could take that trip. They could go to Vegas like Dean and him used to. He could be at peace then. Lilith would be dead and he and Loki would be happy. It was simple. Loki would forgive him. Ruby knew where Lilith was. They'd go soon and kill her and then he'd be back before Loki knew he'd been gone.

A soft hand ran over Sam's shoulder and he looked up, seeing Ruby.

“Booze aren't going to help you fight.” Ruby told him, “And it's far too soon to go after her anyway.”

“I just want to get this done.” Sam muttered tightly. He hadn't had a drink in a week. It soothed his guilt about hiding this from Loki. It soothed a lot of tension; like missing Dean. It got him back into the hunter mentality better.

“You're almost up to par.” Ruby said, “But we need to do this smart or not at all.”

“Yeah, yeah.” All Sam wanted to think about was Lilith's head on a pike.

“I mean it.” Ruby said firmly, “We're not going half cocked like last time.” Sam glowered at his bottle. He didn't want to wait, he was ready. He'd been ready since he and Dean first heard the name Lilith. There was a whoosh of air and Sam felt it was familiar as he looked up.

“'Scuse me.” Loki stood there, looking angry and tense, “Am I interrupting something?”

“Loki.” Sam sat up straight, startled. Ruby instinctively took a step back and Loki's eyes flickered to her. He lifted his hand and Ruby was thrown back into a near by wall with enough force to make the whole building rattle.

“You stay right there, princess,” Loki wagged a finger at Ruby, “I'll rip into you in a minute.” Sam stood, startled again by the violence of it.

“Loki, don't kill her.” Sam asked, because without Ruby, how was he going to get to Lilith? Loki then turned his anger on Sam, golden eyes burning.

“Sam, I told you to DROP the Lilith business.” Loki's nose wrinkled, his lips curling into a half snarl. Sam had not seen Loki's anger for a long while and for a moment he wasn't sure why Loki was so angry about it.

“Loki. We are so close to killing Lilith.” Sam pleaded, “Ruby knows where she is. I don't have to research omens or children killing their families...” Loki's hand curled and Ruby cried out in pain, as though her insides were being crushed. Sam took in a sharp breath, “What are you doing?!”

“You are not killing Lilith.” Loki told him and the anger rose up in Sam's veins. How dare Loki tell him to stop when he was so close. It was all he had to do and then he'd be free to go with Loki where ever he liked. He didn't care after Lilith was dead.

“Killing Lilith is important to me. I have to stop her from hurting anyone else. I'm the only one that can do it.” Sam's fists clenched when he heard Ruby whine in pain again, “Loki stop it! Stop hurting her!”

“If she's gone, you can't pursue Lilith.” Loki said simply. Sam stomach burned, the familiar power of anger fueling him. Why was Loki always trying to detour him from helping Dean or getting rid of Lilith; the two things that he felt it was in his power to succeed. He was the only one who could kill Lilith and he'd already failed Dean, he couldn't fail at this.

“Are you protecting Lilith?” Sam glared at Loki, wondering if this was all another lie. Wondering if Loki was in with Lilith. Loki looked at him with shock, so much that Ruby fell to the floor, no longer pinned to the wall.

“I'm not protecting Lilith. I wish she'd do everyone a favor and shiv herself.” Loki turned towards Sam, “But you can't kill Lilith.”

“I'm the only one that can!” Sam tossed his empty bottle down and it shattered on the floor, “I'm the only one that can kill Lilith and I'm the only one that will!” Loki eyed Sam, frown deepening.

“You've been drinking.”Loki muttered and Sam stomped his foot.

“Yeah, so? I'm allowed to drink, I'm an adult!” Sam yelled loudly, stepping closer and looming over Loki. Honestly, it was like they couldn't go a week without arguing about something. How could he ever think about living with Loki?

“You're not a pretty drunk I hope you know.” Loki's nose wrinkled distastefully, standing his ground.

“All I have to do is kill Lilith and it'll be over! It's the last thing I have to do for Dean. And we're so close. So close...” Sam clutched his hands. Because he could just imagine getting his hands on Lilith.

“Damn it, Sam. You have to drop your Dean obsession!” Loki snapped, voice loud, “The only thing that's going to happen is that you're going to get hurt.”

“I don't care.” Sam said truthfully. The only thing that mattered was Lilith loosing her head.

“I DO care. I love you and I don't want to see you hurt!” Loki snapped and Sam took a step back, his anger quelling with the shock of it. Love? The last person Sam loved was burned alive on the ceiling. Loki seemed to realize what he said and his body went tense, in the way someone did when they said something they weren't supposed to. Sam's hands ran into his hair, a small streak of panic running through him. Loki loved him? A god and a monster loved him? A man loved him. 

“You...” Sam swallowed and Loki took a deep breath, body relaxing.

“I love you.” Loki repeated, confirming that it wasn't just a spur of the moment decision, “Nothing will end if you kill Lilith. Please. This isn't going to end well for anyone.” Loki waved his hand gently, wanting Sam to come closer, “It's not too late. Let's go back home. You can go back to hunting other things. Anything but this. Sam, you need to trust me on this.”

Sam's throat swelled, staring at Loki and then he looked back to Ruby, who was sitting very still, watching the two interact. She was smart enough to not try to get away, not with a god in the room. Sam looked back to Loki. What was he doing? Giving up on Dean? Letting Lilith go? Moving in with a trickster? Loving him?

No. Sam shook his head, taking another step back from Loki. No, this was never what he wanted. He wanted to be normal. He never asked Loki to love him. He never wanted that. Loki was just manipulating him again. He couldn't love Loki back. He had to kill Lilith.

“Love?” Sam scoffed suddenly, holding his head and Loki straightened up, focused intently on Sam. Sam gave a condescending smile, shaking his head, “You... think that I could love you back?” Loki looked struck and Sam held on to that, because he hadn't had any power in this relationship. Hurting Loki physically seemed impossible at best, but if he wanted Loki to butt out, this was it, “I don't need you. I never needed you. You're the one that shoved your way into my life. I never asked you to. I don't need you to baby me or tell me how to run my life. You think just because you're a god you can make me do what ever you say? You killed Dean over a hundred times. You manipulated me. You forced me to listen to you. You cornered me into everything you did. Even Sex.” All the color was drained from Loki's flesh and his eyes were wet and Sam clinched his victory, “I don't trust you. I don't love you. And I certainly don't need you.”

Loki's mouth opened, but no sound came from it. Sam had caused Loki, Mr. Silver Tongue to loose his words. Burning Loki felt great, it gave Sam a thrill like no other. He felt powerful. 

Loki took a deep breath and his body straightened, composing himself in a strained way and his face fell into a slate blank state that Sam had never seen before. He looked older, less like the easy going trickster he'd ever known. For a moment, Loki looked broken.

Loki's voice didn't shake though, “This is your choice then.” He lifted his hand, looking at Sam for a second longer before he snapped his fingers and he was gone, as if he'd never been there before. Sam turned and went over to Ruby, who stared at him, looking scared of the man just left.

“Who...” She started and Sam took he arm, lifting her back onto her feet. Ruby wasn't a god. She needed him to kill Lilith. She didn't make him do anything.

“Nobody.” Sam said, looking her over, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I'm fine.” She said and leaned her head to the side, cracking her neck, “Hurt like a bitch though.” Sam swallowed, taking her hand. 

“Just tell me what I have to do to kill Lilith.” He asked and Ruby gave him a knowing smirk.

“Good to know you're diving into this feet first.” She raised both brows, giving Sam a stern look, “He was right on one thing. No turning back after we do this.” Sam nodded.

“That's fine.” Sam nodded, “The only thing that matters is killing Lilith.” Sam ignored the burning in his mind. The burning of the path he'd seen so clear only a few days. Burning the bridge to Loki. The red path had just opened back up, flowing like a flood downwards. He was doing the right thing. He had to be, this was his choice.


	21. To Stop Fighting Destiny

Loki popped back into his apartment, his face expressionless for a moment. Max started barking at him, asking where Sam was; wondering what happened. Loki waved his hand, sending the dog away. He locked Max in his room. Loki needed the quiet, feeling it all sink in.

The spaghetti he'd made was still on the table; still hot. The rooms that were next to each other faded away and his bedroom door slid back into its original position. The food disappeared, the couch slid itself soundlessly back against the wall. The apartment rearranged itself back into it's original 2 room bachelor pad. Max started barking and scratching at the door and Loki made a waving motion to the door, Max's vocal cords were silenced and he was only left with the scratching at the door. Only an hour ago he'd been contemplating life living with a human. What had he been thinking?

A cruel smile worked its way onto Loki's face. What HAD he been thinking?

What right did he think that he could change fate? What ever made him think that he could alter what had been laid out before the dawn of time. Sam was Lucifer's vessel. It was woven into Sam bones. Loki, you stupid idiot, Gabriel boomed in his brain, what had you been thinking? Sam was was always going to end up right here, choosing anger and revenge. It was always going to wind up like this. It was always going to come down to Michael and Lucifer duking it out in Sam and Dean's bodies.

What had he been thinking?

He'd been thinking he could change Sam's path. He's thought he could get close to him without crossing the line into attachment. He thought he couldn't possibly love Lucifer's vessel because Lucy was a dick and Sam would be too. 

But Sam wasn't. He was kind and concerned himself with helping people. He was temperamental and hot headed, but no one was perfect; it only made him more interesting. Sam smiled and laughed. Sam was passionate in all the right and wrong ways. Sam was special and Loki had gotten too close. He thought maybe humans had something that angels didn't. He thought for a time that humans had free will, the damn power to not be chained to something as archaic as fate or destiny.

Michael was right. Michael was always right. There was no free will. There was no changing what would happen. There was no love between him and Sam. Loki had just chosen wrong again.

Water dribbled down Loki's face and he covered his eyes with his hands, but tears still escaped his eyes. 

What had he been thinking? Something stupid like Sam letting Dean go. Something stupid and naïve as Sam possibly being happy and love with him in return.

How dare he, an archangel, a trickster, think that he could stop Sam from making the choices destiny had laid out for him.

A not quite sane laugh left his mouth, then another, tears running down his face. It turned hysterical. And Max's scratching stopped. 

“Why was I fighting this so hard?” Loki asked, feeling delirious. “It's so simple. It's going to happen. I'm not missing out on anything. The world's going to end soon anyway.” A few chuckles wracked his body but the tears didn't stop. He didn't even try to wipe them away anymore, “Fuck you Sam Winchester, you made your choice. Do it. End it all. I don't care anymore.” He took in a shuttering breath, looking to the ceiling. For some reason he never stopped doing that when ever he thought of his father, “Fuck you, Old Man. What was the point of it all? A bunch of pain before it all goes boom? What the fuck is so fucking glorious about it ending like this?”

Max started scratching at the door again and Loki took shaky breaths. He felt an emptiness no sweets could fill. He felt no urge to do anything. Not even exist. His body went lax, shoulders slumping, tears slowing. He was an idiot for even thinking now that God would answer him. After a lifetime of God being gone, why would he pop up now? 

Loki took a resigning breath and stood straight, like an old soldier, “Fine. Let it end. Let it all be over.”


	22. Ringing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (After 5.03, Free to be you and me)

It had been a long year.

Sam sat on the floor, taking deep breaths. His back was wedged against the wall, and the moon was the only light shinning in his motel room. Sam held his breath for a moment and slowly let it out, his cell phone in his hands, which rested upon his drawn knees. He'd just moved from the town were hunters had attacked him in the bar. They'd nearly forced more demon blood down his throat, trying to force him into hunting again. More people were dead because of him. At least the bar girl had lived. He couldn't run anymore, but he had no where to go.

Sam had already lost everything.

He'd drunk demon blood. He'd forced Demons back to Hell. Dean rose from the dead. Dean was alive. Sam met angels. Real ones. They were amazing, and mostly assholes. They reminded him of Loki. Sam and Dean were hunting again, for such a short time. Sam was anchored, he had his brother back. He'd met Castiel, an odd, stern, and quirky angel. They lost a seal and then saved one. They'd met a prophet and Sam was so close again to killing Lilith. He thought about Loki then, when Lilith tried to seduce him, and he started thinking about calling the trickster. Because Sam would turn around and, for brief moments, remember all the things he'd said. All the things he'd said and done in desperation and anger. He often dwelt on Loki when the lights went out. 

Sam had even called, after meeting his younger brother. Well, actually, it was just the ghoul that had taken Adam's form. He just... he wanted to apologize. Loki had loved him and Sam knew he'd said some harsh things. Sam told himself he couldn't go back to Loki. It... it would never work out. Now that Dean was alive, there really couldn't be anything... romantic. He couldn't tell Dean that he'd slept with the trickster. He couldn't love Loki. What they'd had was so short, it shouldn't have left him so hollow. Maybe calling Loki would help him not feel so guilty. 

Loki didn't pick up the phone though. It just kept ringing. And ringing. Sam hung up after several minutes, deciding to try again later. Maybe Loki was busy. Yeah, that was it. Loki was probably busy. Never mind the fact Loki had never been too busy to pick up before.

Sam tried again, maybe a week later. He sat there uncomfortably, after his fight with Dean. After he was called a monster. Sam just... really needed to talk to Loki. Even if Loki just screamed at him and was still pissed at him, Sam felt it would be better than nothing. Because things were spinning out of control and Ruby's plan was twisting in an unexpected way. It all suddenly felt unstable and he sought out something to anchor him. Loki had been his anchor at some point.

But nothing was what Sam got. The phone started ringing and never stopped. It just... kept ringing. Ruby gave him a concerned 'you're acting weird' look and Sam slowly put the phone away, having been on the line for a good 20 minutes.

And then... Sam did it. He killed Lilith. 

And then it all fell apart. 

Sam's world just crumbled like a demolished building. The last seal broke. Ruby was killed. Lucifer walked the earth. Bobby was hospitalized. He found out he was Lucifer's vessel. The angels had helped start the apocalypse. Bobby lost his ability to walk. Dean left him. He'd lost Dean's trust and Dean drove away in the only home he'd ever known.

And who was the first person Sam tried to call? Loki

Sam wanted to tell Loki that he was right, that he shouldn't have picked Ruby. He wanted to say that he understood why Loki had been trying to stop him. Why it was so important that he leave Lilith and Dean alone. Because Loki had KNOWN something like this was going to happen. Sam didn't understand why Loki knew, but he did. And he'd been trying to ease Sam away from that path. That blood stained path. A stain so strong that Sam saw it on his skin where ever he looked.

But Loki never picked up his DAMN PHONE. Sam wanted to argue with Loki again. He wanted to yell at him for not telling him WHY he shouldn't kill Lilith. If he'd know that THIS would happen... If he had known then the choice would have been clear. If he'd known then he would have stabbed Ruby in the beginning of it all. If he'd known...

And after running away, working in a bar, needing to leave AGAIN. Sam found himself in that motel room, feeling alone and empty. Not even guilt filled the hole Sam felt. Sam curled his arms around his legs, clutching his phone tight. Because he'd just had a dream about Lucifer and Sam felt ill. Lucifer taunted Sam with Jess's image and Sam just wanted to talk to SOMEBODY. Anybody. He wanted to talk to Loki, but he feared that Loki wouldn't pick up again.

Sam pulled his phone close again, taking a deep breath as he stared at the contact he never erased. He wanted to tell Loki that he was sorry. He wanted to throw himself at Loki's feet and beg forgiveness for all the time he'd been gone. He wanted to see Max and rub the dog's ears again. He wanted Loki to smile at him and hold his hand. He wanted Loki to tell him he loved him and that he wasn't going anywhere. And he wanted to say he loved Loki too because the only time he'd felt so whole was when he'd been wrapped up with the trickster. He missed him so bad it hurt.

Sam took a deep breath and pressed the call button and held the phone to his ear. He hoped this time it would be different. It rang once. Twice. Three times. Five times. Ten times. Twenty times. Tears started pooling in Sam's eyes. Not again. Just pick up. Thirty times...

Sam took in a sharp breath. Was... Loki ignoring him? Had Loki washed his hands of him? Was this it? Was that his only chance? Had he really made the wrong call? He was unforgiven for eternity because he'd been so focused on Dean and revenge?

"Loki." He choked out, only hearing the buzzing of the phone, "Loki, please. I've made a terrible mistake... I'm an idiot. I... Oh God, what have I done?" Sam sobbed, lungs fighting for air between trying not to actually cry and choke, "Loki please, please pick up. Please. Please..." hot, wet pools of water ran down his cheeks, soaking his jeans as he started to break. Strong cries wracked his body and he dropped his phone on the floor; the call still trying to reach the other end of the line. He held his head, remembering how he screamed that he didn't need Loki How he didn't trust him. He remembered how much he'd really hurt Loki for the whole time that he'd known him. Sam realized he was wrong, "It's all wrong. Loki, please... Loki, please... I didn't mean..." He hiccuped because that was it, wasn't it. He'd meant every word. He'd meant every bitter, revenge filled string of words that poured out of his mouth. "Loki, please, come back?" His words trembled, "Loki. Please, come back." Was praying to a deity blasphemous? Did it work like when Dean prayed to Castiel? Could Loki hear him? Did gods forgive humans for making mistakes? "Loki, I'm sorry." 

Apparently they didn't because the ringing never stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not the end. This is only the beginning.
> 
> However this does concluded what happened between Sam and Gabriel(Loki) in my head-canon in their past. This past usually continues on in my other stories. It has many endings, which is why I can't really say it ends here. But this is the bulk of their painful beginning.
> 
> If you want an End-Verse ending (for real emotional masochists), go see my story “Bitter”.
> 
> For canon continuation, it follows the series. Gabriel treats Sam bitterly in Changing Channels and sacrifices himself in Hammer of the Gods and he and Sam never reconcile. (Or of you refuse to believe Gabriel is dead like me, then he woke up after being brought back to life by God and has amnesia somewhere.)
> 
> And for all happy endings, I've written happy Sabriel stories, most of which have already skipped past the fact that Gabriel has agreed to give Sam a second chance and is working on forgiving him. And in getting back together they are stronger for it.
> 
> There might be a continuation on this fic after Changing Channels based on the forgiveness factor, but since I finished this story, I will return to my current madness which is Angel Baby (if you don't like Destiel mpreg then I don't suggest it). This fic was written in such a short time (What, like a month and a half?) in order to fill in the Sabriel gap that had to be explained in Angel Baby (Because this sort of pain just has to be told on its own). But this story covers a lot of my stories (most of which aren't posted yet). 
> 
> So, thank you for reading. Please tell me what you thought. Send me questions. I have tissues for those who cried. 
> 
> (I'm not sorry for this fic.)
> 
> If you liked my fanfiction, please check out My Books! A link can be found at the end of my AO3 profile page.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [重回十二月/ Back to December](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1613741) by [lengyu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lengyu/pseuds/lengyu)




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